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The original was posted on /r/maliciouscompliance by /u/Longjumping_Act_6054 on 2023-10-25 08:27:41.

My neighborhood often gets door-to-door salesmen. Usually they read my no soliciting sign and leave, but sometimes they just can’t help themselves and knock on my door.

I answered one of these knocks (keeping the door concealing my house) and saw a kid barely out of high school standing there and holding a can of cheap air freshener. She smiled at me.

“Can I help you?” I asked.

“We’re just going around the neighborhood giving out free air fresheners!”

She cheerily handed me the can. I took it and looked at her, raising an eyebrow.

“And we have this spectacular new carpet cleaning liquid that we are also demoing if you wanted I could show you inside?” She said, gesturing in the general direction of where she assumed my living room was.

I smiled. Malicious compliance time.

“No thanks. Thanks for the air freshener though.” I said as I backed up and started to close the door.

“W-wait!” She blurted out, reaching for the door. “Um, can I get the air freshener back?”

“No.” I flatly said. Her face fell. I laughed. “You told me you were giving them away. You didn’t mention I HAD to listen to a spiel on carpet cleaner to get it.”

She leaned in. “But my boss will get mad if I don’t have it when I get back.”

“Then why were you giving them away?” I tilted my head and tried to look stupid. It wasn’t hard. “If you wanted me to buy carpet cleaner to THEN get the air freshener you should have told me that and not handed it to me immediately.”

She kind of shook her head, as if the marble that powered her brain had fallen loose into the pinball machine below and she had to wait for it to come back into play, then wandered off in a daze.

I shut the door.

I just took a massive shit in my bathroom and needed that spray to cover it up. Thanks carpet cleaner girl for the “free” can of febreeze.