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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2023-11-03 05:02:25.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/MilaniaRusso

Husband of 7 yrs admitted one-night stand while away for Thanksgiving

Originally posted to r/infidelity

TRIGGER WARNING: Infidelity, harassment, stalking,rape, emotional abuse and manipulation, threats of suicide

Original Post Dec 19, 2022

My husband (39) and I (35) have been married for 5 yrs and dated two years prior. We have never had trust issues or infidelity. We have had a great marriage, the kind of relationship, we were really great friends. We have so much in common, we can sit and talk for hours, I was his best friend, and we even hung out during guys’ night, watching football, with his friends. We had a great relationship.

The cheating happened when he went home to New York for Thanksgiving, three days early. I arrived the day before Thanksgiving. This woman, was visiting with his younger sister, they are in Grad School together and they are really close friends, this woman couldn’t make it home to California, so my in-Laws hosted her too.

Turns out they all went out for drinks, my sister-in-law left my husband and this woman alone at a friend’s gathering, they’re all drinking, having a good time. My husband told me they were alone talking all night. Then when they returned home to his parents, they drank more, They were up until 2 am and they ended up having sex.

My husband didn’t make excuses saying it was the beer. He said he was definitely wrong. He admitted he was flattered that she was flirting with him. He admitted she was extremely attractive. He even left her alone to go to bed when he felt himself feeling attracted to her. She came to him, and they were in his bedroom. They drank and talked more on the balcony and they ended up kissing and well. They had sex.

He told her he was going to tell me, he told his sister the next morning and his sister told her she needed to leave. So when I arrived, my husband was acting really off. He was feeling guilty as hell. Trying to hold his shit together and not ruin his family’s Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving night, I asked him what the hell was going on with him. He was all over me sexually, he wanted lots of sex, and he was very aggressive during sex. I told him I needed a break, he wouldn’t stop. He finished inside me. Which he doesn’t do, I don’t want to get pregnant.

I thought, “This was so out of character for my husband!??” I asked him.; “What the hell is going on with him?” He started crying, he started apologizing. I thought it had to d with money. NEVER in a million years did I think, he cheated on me.

He confessed everything. I listened to my husband, I let him speak. I was upset, I felt sick and I cried. But I didn’t get angry. I wasn’t disrespectful in my in-laws’ home. I had my sister-in-law drive me into the city and I stayed at my friends’ apt. while they were away. My sister-in-law told me about this woman, she apologized profusely,. I saw a photo of the woman. She is 27, she is absolutely beautiful. Not saying it makes anything OK, but, wow. She is the kind of woman men would absolutely fight over.

I told my husband he needed to leave when he returned home. He moved out that Sunday night. He has been driving me crazy, begging me to forgive him. He has been showing up at my work. He shows up at the house, I cannot make him leave, because he owns the home too. I told him I think I may consider a divorce, I can’t forgive this. I always felt I could work it out if our marriage went through something like this. But I can’t. My parents divorced over infidelity. My Dad was a serial cheater.

My husband has taken steps to fix himself. He is getting help, he is just going crazy because I have just been numb and in shock and I think it comes off as, I don’t care. I do care I do love him. But I cannot be in a mediocre marriage. I don’t want our daughter (3)to see her Mom accept being cheated on. I am overwhelmed, I am overthinking everything. I don’t want to make the wrong decision. I have been told I should keep our family together, he came clean, and he’s a good man. It happens once. I know that is a good point. But, I feel off! Is it shock? or did I lose respect and fall out of love? I don’t know. Has anyone else felt this Grey cloud after? Will it pass and should I just wait a while longer, before I make a choice that will turn my life and my daughters’ life upside down?

Thanks in advance!

RELEVANT COMMENTS

4theloveofmiloangel

Im curious how his sister is handling this information right now!? Is she still friends/in contact with that person?

OOP replied

My sister-in-law has cut all ties with this woman. She has called me and sent a text apologizing and she is taking this hard, she feels she is to blame. I have made it clear that she is not to blame.

She is in shock, she cannot believe her friends’ behaviour. She thought she was a good person, but now she is questioning everything about this woman.

Glittering-Rock

So after he cheated on you, he raped you. AND finished inside if you, knowing you don’t want to get pregnant. He wanted you to get pregnant again bc it would be harder to leave then. I’m so sorry but this is not a man to stay with

OOP replied

I just had this argument. I said the word ‘Rape’ describing what I felt, my husband, did to me. My friend said she feels I should report it. Her husband said. “Good luck proving it.” He said I would be laughed out of the room, Police Station.

Update Dec 28, 2022

Thank You all for the words of encouragement. I have been sitting with this, I have gotten tested for STD and I am all good. I have been trapped in NY with my soon to be EX husband. We agreed to spend Christmas with our daughter and we ended up getting stuck here due to the storm.

I told my husband I wanted a divorce, which made him lose his shit. He was stalking me, and he was acting out of character. I asked him to please just leave me alone, he was scaring me. He was upsetting our daughter, who sensed there was a problem, she is used to a fun and cozy home. Now there’s tension. She cried when she told me to give Daddy a kiss and hug and I refused. It is breaking my heart. I know it is hurting him. He has been a mess. I don’t feel sorry for him. I feel for our daughter, she is sad to see her Dad sad and he keeps telling her “I’m sorry.” But he can’t tell her WHY. Why he has to leave at night, why we don’t eat as a family? It’s been insane, to say the least. I thought it would be good for her if we were a family for Christmas.

Well, it’s been 3 days, and no flights or driving until at least the 30th I don’t have $2000 a day for hertz to rent a car. So We have an extended stay and I “stay” in the bedroom with my daughter and he stays on the rollout sofa. I have been dealing with him, asking me WHY we can’t get help for our marriage, I have gotten tears. I overheard him crying to his Dad and Mom at 2 am saying he wants to kill himself for his mistake. I received a call from them the next morning asking if I could ever forgive him. If I couldn’t they said they understand!

I admit the thoughts of self-harm are concerning. I don’t think he is doing it just to get me back. He is definitely spiraling. I was gentle with him last night. I agreed to talk. Not for reconciliation. I just let him express his feelings, and get shit off his chest. Which led to me waking up at 4 am this morning with him laying next to me in bed, him wide awake. staring at me. He said he needed to figure out what he needs to do for me not to leave him. He refuses to live without me.

Maybe we have Cabin fever? I am starting to feel uneasy, people are insane. I am not trying to die because he can’t live without me, he already feels depressed, and I think losing his daughter will really take him over the top. Is this normal for the cheater to go down this path when the reality of what their cheating has caused them to lose?

My husband is a smart man, he is usually controlled. Not someone who is mentally unbalanced. I think the loss of his family may have really pushed him over the edge. Before all this, we were a happy family. Why he was so weak I don’t know, if it is just him being uninterested in me, then I can just step away and make sure he has more time with his daughter (they are extremely close) hurting her has really destroyed him. His life was being a great Dad for her. I thought he loved me. I don’t know about that now. But I assume losing his family has mentally affected him. I have sent a text to my best friend of 20 yrs. keeping her updated. She says this is normal, but I also feel she may be a bit biased because her husband is my husband’s best friend and we have all been friends for a while, our kids are close and it’s a breakup for them as well.

I guess I’m looking for signs of someone losing it and doing something extreme! I have just been kind and respectful until I am able to leave. He has been love-bombing me and expecting a response. He sent the song “I’ll be Over You.” By Toto and said I’m dying here. Please don’t leave me. Maybe I am losing my shit!! I a…

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