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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2023-11-04 05:00:55.

I am NOT OOP. OOP posted to two accounts u/throwRA_babymamaa and u/throwra_babymamaaa

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

How do I(27f) tell a one night stand (30sm) that I have his kid (1m)?

Mood Spoilers: Positive for OOP

 

Posted to u/throwRA_babymamaa

Original Post - September 20, 2023

OK to keep it simple my son’s babydaddy was a one-night stand. He was a trucker who got snowed in, we met at a bar and hooked up, didn’t exchange contact info, I was just bored, lonely, and temporarily insane from the pandemic and was being risky and stupid as shit and didn’t bother with protection. Love my kid tho, no regrets there, glad I didn’t get an STD. When I realized I was pregnant I thought long and hard about it and decided to keep him (thanks Catholic guilt, it’s not strong enough to stop me from having sex but strong enough to stop me from getting an abortion lol… JK I love my kiddo and kept him because I wanted him)

I make a decent living, child support would help but we can get by without it. I didn’t expect to ever see the babydaddy again and I was OK with that. Kiddo has my last name, I didn’t know his. I was fine with being a single mom and dealing with everything myself, TBH some of my friends have shit babydaddies and they and their kids are better off without them, I feel like kiddo and I are better off on our own than trying to add someone to the mix anyway. At least that’s what I told myself.

But my friend who works at the gas station just happened to see him. She knows his name and race, saw his name on his ID, her nosy-ass made sure to confirm it was the same guy and ask if he remembered me, asked for his number on my behalf and passed it on to me. (I’m sure he is flattered thinking some random hook-up talked up his skills to her friends to the extent that they remembered his name LMAO.) Anyway thanks to her nosy ass I can’t claim innocence anymore and am forced to make a decision. SO.

First of all, do I say anything? I know it’s technically supposed to be the right thing to do but TBH I have heard so many babydaddy horror stories. It’s to the point that if I’d gotten pregnant from a hook up with a guy I would reasonably expect to see again (but not know well enough to trust) I might actually abort because I wouldn’t want my kid to go through what some kids have gone through. If I say something this guy can sue for custody or guardianship, I can’t bear the thought of letting my baby go to some stranger and not being around. Hell he can’t even talk and couldn’t tell me if something happened, not that I think anything would or that the trucker will want custody in the first place but who even knows these days??

On the other hand how can I deprive my kiddo of a father? It would be one thing if, once he was older, I could honestly say I didn’t know where his father was but I can’t possibly lie to him about that and I can’t imagine telling him I could’ve found his father but I was too scared.

So I’m leaning towards telling him but how do I even do that? Can I just text him the news and get it over with? Should I try to see if he can meet up next time he passes by and tell him face-to-face? Is there any kind of legal shit I should be aware of with this kind of thing?? (yeaah in case you couldn’t tell I went from giving no fucks during the pandemic to giving too many fucks about everything as a mom and no matter what plan I make I just keep thinking of the ways things might backfire and somehow hurt my kiddo) I know I am way overthinking probably but please I just need someone to tell me what to do.

Relevant Comments

**LAGA_1989:* He’s a stranger. If it were me, I would not invite an opportunity to have someone I don’t know at all take my baby half the time because he’s technically the father who had no choice in the decision to have the baby. Just my personal opinion.*

OP: That’s my instinct but I’m also imagining having to justify this to kiddo later when he asks why he doesn’t have a dad.

 

Posted to u/throwra_babymamaaa

Update - October 28, 2023

This was my first post (link), it didn’t get a lot of comments but I wanted to let you guys know how it turned out. I forgot my password for my first throwaway so I had to make a new one but it’s still me.

So a while back I posted here asking for advice about how to tell my babydaddy I have his kid. After figuring out how to run a background check and seeing no criminal history I thought I would try to meet him, do a vibe check, see if he seems cool. Hook up with him again if I need to in order to get to know him. Lol.

Anyway. Turns out I didn’t need to go that far. The guy texted me that he was stopping by in town, we met up for breakfast. I was like, cool, promising, breakfast usually doesn’t lead to a hook up, so he actually wants to get to know me which makes it much easier for me to get to know him. We made some typical casual date smalltalk.

Then he asks do I have kids. I tell him one. He asks how old. I say one. He’s like “Is he one and one month?”

He figured it out on his own. When my friend who never met him recognized him by his name and insisted he get in contact with me, apparently, he was like “It’s either a baby or a very serious STD.”

So I just came clean and told him everything. I haven’t introduced him to kiddo yet. But I showed him a picture. He agrees that kiddo is the cutest kiddo ever and looks like him. We are getting a paternity test. He is definitely the babydaddy because he’s the only Asian guy I’ve been with and kiddo is definitely part Asian. But I don’t blame him for checking since I know some women will lie about things like that. He doesn’t seem like he doesn’t believe me, he just wants to make sure which is fair.

Babydaddy says if kiddo is his he’s fine with paying child support and just having supervised visitation until I trust him more. He lives in his truck apparently so no judge would give him any custody until that changed.

So that’s how it is. I didn’t really get the choice to decide on my own terms whether to introduce them or not, but so far it all seems to be working out.

 

Relevant Comments

**atomik71:* What’s your end goal here?*

OP: Not sure I have one really, just taking things as they come. I didn’t expect him to figure it out on his own and it kinda ruined whatever plans I have.

It would be nice for kiddo to know his dad assuming his dad is a decent person (I have no reason to think he’s not I’m just cautious) and some child support money wouldn’t hurt. I support him on my own with some help from friends for childcare, but I could buy some nicer treats for kiddo and start a decent savings account for him with child support.

 

THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.