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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2023-11-05 05:02:14.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/911whatyousmoking

I’m so done with my bf’s entitled friend.

Originally posted to r/EntitledPeople

TRIGGER WARNING: sexual assault. Manipulation. Betrayal. Controlling behavior. Denial and Weaponization of past SA. Mention of eating disorder. Mention of child abuse, bullying

Original Post Oct 3, 2023

Sorry if this isn’t the correct place to post. I just need to get this off my chest.

I (22F) have been dating my (M22) boyfriend for five years now. We’ve been living together in a small town, very very close to where he grew up with his friend (22F).

His friend Sarah has always been very vocal about how much she loves him, how she knows him soooo well, how she has even seen him naked as kids, how she is like his sister etc etc… They only see each other about once a month, she has been our house about three times.

Something important about me: I was SA’d a few months before dating my now bf. This was something that impacted me and has ruined certain aspects of my life. The guy who did it is a well-known person around the area, which means that from time to time I run into him. This brings me so much anxiety, so much pain, and the only way to feel better is venting about it.

Sarah was at my house one time. I started bawling about it and decided to trust her (big mistake). I told her everything. She knew the guy (the guy actually tried to get with her before) and she acted so compassionate and kind in front of me.

One day we were having some dinner as a group. It was my bf, Sarah and other people I didn’t know. Sarah asked my boyfriend what he was planning to do after uni.

My boyfriend: I’m not sure yet.

Me: Why not a master’s degree?

Sarah: God OP! Stop pressuring him! He’s worked SOOOOO hard all his life, give him a goddamn break and let HIM decide what to do.

She said it in such an aggressive tone. Mind you, I was just suggesting. I’ve never told my boyfriend he had to do something. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it, telling me it was alright and that he didn’t think I was forcing him to do something.

Then, Sarah asked what his future plans were for housing. I mentioned my family has a house in the southern part of the country (maybe a 5 hour drive?) and that we were planning on moving there in the future.

I kid you not, these were her exact words.

Sarah: HELL no! He isn’t moving to the south. He’s staying here. And he better not go farther away than (insert nearest city).

I was a bit annoyed. Why was it when I recommended doing a master’s I was forcing him to do something, yet she was prohibiting him from moving? Yet I was the controlling one?

Anyways. Sarah then started talking about ex-boyfriends, and said she didn’t mind if any of her friends got with her exes. I mentioned something to her like: “I’d warn the girl first. I don’t want anyone to suffer what I suffered.”

Sarah BLEW UP. She was red in the face. These were her words:

Sarah: How fu*king dare you throw yourself in the middle of a relationship? Are you that possessive that you can’t let your ex be happy? You’re not over your ex and I can tell! You cried about him the other day! You’re hurting BF by not telling him the truth.

She was accusing me of all these things. And then the cherry on top.

Sarah: BF hasn’t been the same since you two are together! He’s so quiet! He hasn’t talked to me all day! You two keep showing affection in front of us all the fucking time! I’VE SEEN HIM NAKED AS A KID AND I KNOW HIM SO WELL. You’re no good for him!

She was annoyed at us holding hands and hugging each other in front of her. I started crying over her tone and her accusations (I’m very sensitive). And then she said something that made me bawl even harder.

Sarah: I’m so sure you lied about your SA. If it were actually true, you would’ve gone to the police. What did he do to you exactly?

I blew up and told her in detail what he did to me in front of others. I was so embarrassed when I realised I told a bunch of strangers something so personal.

Sarah: you’re such a fucking manipulator. Remember when I met you you were crying over your weight?

Sarah kept throwing things that made no sense, anything she could she was throwing it into my face. She has an ED, and she threw my own self-esteem issues into my face.

I wasn’t expecting my bf to say anything. Not only is he incredibly bad at confrontation due to years of abuse from his family, he’s terrified of her. She has been like a sister yeah, but as that big sister who bullied him as well.

Anyways, we’re moving to the south in a few months.

Update Oct 5, 2023

I shared my story about Sarah a few days ago. It was written a few days after the whole situation went down, and I was just looking for a place where I could vent my feelings. Thank you to those who reached out to offer support/advice.

People on tiktok have decided to twist the truth and add things that are simply not true. So I just wanna update so people don’t get confused.

1.- BF AND SARAH HAVE NEVER SLEPT TOGETHER. THEY HAD ONLY SEEN EACH OTHER ONCE A MONTH. There isn’t a point in the story I mention them sleeping together. I only mention the fact that their families were so close as kids (2 year olds) that Sarah and my BF had seen each other naked AT THAT AGE. It has never been a sexual relationship.

2.- BF cut her off without hesitation. Please don’t come after him. My BF was quiet during the confrontation because he was abused as a child and confrontation basically makes him shut off. And Sarah was one of those who took advantage of his kind nature to force him to do things for her.

I know from an outside perspective it seems like he’s spineless and let me take all the abuse. He’s aware of this and feels terrible. He, however, gathered enough strength to send her a pretty long message that night saying how what she did was unacceptable, how we were going to move, how she acts like a feminist yet shames an SA victim and basically made me confess what happened that night TO A BUNCH OF STRANGERS.

I know confrontation and defending people might come easy to you, but it’s incredibly difficult for him to confront others, especially when Sarah has been a bully to him his whole fucking life. I don’t blame him. He’s got issues and we’re working with them. The fact that was able to cut her off without a second thought makes me feel happy.

3.- Sarah doesn’t regret it. According to some friends we have in common, it was something she had on her chest for a long time, and she didn’t want to stand by and let me “manipulate” and “control his life”. God forbid I give my own boyfriend suggestions OR plan my future with him. She thinks my BF cutting her off is my doing. Nope. Sorry. All his choice.

4.- Strangers reached out. There were a lot of people at the dinner party (this happened while we were out having dinner with Sarah’s friends) who had to hear my very VERY detailed explanation of what went on with the person who SA’d me. I deeply regret telling Sarah about my SA, especially in front of so many people, I made them so uncomfortable.

BUT… Many of those strangers reached out to give me support. They have also cut Sarah out of their lives because she showed her true colours making an SA victim relive trauma and accusing her of “not being over him”. I’m so happy that they didn’t let that night ruin their image of me, and that I’m not a “controlling freak” like Sarah said.

5.- What now? So, yeah… After the whole drama that night, we went home and I realized I can’t fucking live like this. I don’t want to run into my abuser every so often, because it triggers me and I can’t heal this way. Even after five years.

My BF can’t heal having one of his so call “friends” live literally a ten minute walk from us. So, like the post says, we’ve decided to move earlier than expected. We’re looking for a therapist to help us deal with our respective issues.

Final update Oct 6, 2023

Hi guys! This is going to be my final update, I want to leave the whole Sarah thing behind me since she’s no longer a part of our lives.

I first came to Reddit in search of people who would support me during a difficult time, and while I have received much love and support (thank you for this!), I have also had to read various mean comments and people doubting my story.

I have also seen people have made TikToks about my situation. Various TikToks changed the title, changed various details of the story to make my bf look horrible, added in lies where they said Sarah and him slept together (again, not the case), cut off very important details and basically manipulated my whole story for clicks and views. I have had to read people tell me I have no self-respect for staying with my SO, call my SO a douchebag for having to deal with his own traumatic problems…

So for now, I don’t want to keep updating Reddit about Sarah because then I would have to mention my SA and yeah… not really good for my mental health. But I do want to share some info to finally close this:

1.- Sarah and her friend tried to contact me last night. She is blocked on our phones, so I rec…

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