This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/uselessworthlessbp2 on 2023-11-05 08:13:21.

TIFU by blocking someone on everything and finding their apology message on an old device 3 years laters

I don’t know if I want to cry or scream. It’s too late for me to message anyone about this but I feel like im about to explode out of frustration.

To set the story, I made very quick friends with a boy in my freshman class of high school. We were both in swim and in some of the more advance classes, so we had a lot of time to get to know each other and become friends. He was and is still one of the funniest people I’ve ever met in life. I’m not sure what he’s like now, for reasons soon to be revealed, but when I knew him he definitely was very guarded and had zero tolerance for any bs thrown his way. He had no problem standing up for himself and putting anyone he thought was trying to make fun of him back in their place. Honestly I really admired that about him, since I was a lot more passive when I was younger and would often let others poke fun at me for a laugh.

Anyway, back on topic. The next three years were pretty much the same, and I thought we grew pretty close as friends. I knew I wasn’t his best friend, but still very good friends. About three ish years after graduating we got into a fight. It’s been a long time and I try to not think about it, but this is what I remember.

He was in a military branch so he only came home on holidays. He had asked me if I wanted to hang out either that day or the next with some friends. I remember I couldn’t do that day so I asked the friends he was talking about if they would be down to hang out the next night. When I called him back to let him know, my dogs started barking and I really harshly shushed them because they love to be apart of the conversation even if they’re not invited. Well he ended up hanging out with one of those friends that night and then we all hung out the next night. I thought everything was fine, but then I had a seriously mental break where I tried to jump out of a moving car. Remember, this is around the holidays, so my family and I make the executive decision that it would probably be best if I don’t go out and drink. I didn’t want to tell anyone that I had just tried to jump out of a car, so I told him and the rest of the group my mental health wasn’t good and I wouldn’t be able to go out on new years. He got very angry, accused me of hanging out with other people (remember when I shushed my dog?) and making excuses for not going to new years. I don’t remember everything, there was a back and forth until eventually I let him know that my mental health was a lot worse then I had really been letting people see and that I really wasn’t avoiding him, I was just mentally unwell. If memory serves correct, he responded by kind of meanly saying there was no way he would be able to know that if I didn’t tell him and that he can’t help me in life if I don’t share my struggles. He then asked me if I could remove myself from all the group chats he made with me in it so he didn’t have to make new ones for me everything.

So I did. I removed myself from everything, and blocked him everywhere. To be honest I was so hurt by the slightly callus way he talked about my mental health and that his main priority was group chat politics when we had been friends for almost a decade by that point. Occasionally a mutual friend would say he asked about me, but my residual anger from being accused of being a fake and flake kept me from reaching out. Eventually I realized that staying angry over what boils down to a miscommunication and two pretty much kids feeling like they were the ones in the wrong. I forgave and forgot, only really having to face it a year later when a mutual friend got married. There wasn’t any confrontation or anything, I think he didn’t hold open for the door for my plus one and I could totally see him when he did the “be quite” announcement aiming it towards me and my friends specifically. At the time I thought it just reassurance that I had made the right decision about staying no contact. But now I know why he was like that and I can’t blame him at all.

Something’s to remember. 1. I blocked him 2. I was under the impression that he never apologized to me 3. I thought he was catty at the wedding for no reason. Well, I did block him and on everything. Everything but an old iPad which I hadn’t checked the messages on for 3 years. Somehow, the last two text that he sent me are there. I was confused when I saw an unopened message there so I opened it and guys, when I tell you my heart shattered.

He apologized. He sent me an honest to god real actually good apology where he took accountability and explained himself without making excuses. It was a real apology, one that if I would have seen at the time I would have realized how much that actually meant and forgiven him in a heart beat. No wonder he was upset with me when we were at the wedding. I didn’t even acknowledge him, I didn’t even attempt to say anything after he had made that first step. Jesus I would have been pissed too if I had owned up to my actions like an adult and the person wouldn’t even acknowledge me. Jesus. We could have still been friends. If I hadn’t have gotten all block happy and decided that instead of working on relationships I was just going to drop them and ignore them like they meant nothing to me. It wasn’t just two kids having a fight and thinking they both were right and letting the friendship dissolve because of it. He knew what he did wasn’t ok and owned up to it, and instead of doing the same I was an absolute child and stuck my fingers in my ears and refused to hear it.

Needless to say I’m devastated. I don’t feel like I can reach out, I know he’s not in the military any more and thats all I know about him. I feel like if I come along three years later with an “sorry my bad” it’ll just feel cheap and stupid.

TL;DR tifu by finding an apology message 3 years too late. This ending our friendship and any hope of reconciliation