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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2023-11-05 05:11:27.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/InevitableVacation94

WIBW for ending a close friendship over dog sitting

Originally posted to r/amiwrong

TRIGGER WARNING: Verbal Abuse, emotional manipulation, exploitative entitlement, sickly animal

Original Post Oct 9, 2023

I’ve known this friend for 20 years, and considered her to be one of my best friends. We’ve had some contentious conversations over the years, mostly to her making me feel inadequate because I was always trailing just behind in her shadow, and now as adults, she’s more successful than I am. I would never hold that against her, but she does like to rub it in my face (her and her fiance bought a house, every time we go out to eat she makes a show of paying it, saying that she likes spoiling her friends, etc etc). I work two jobs and am actively trying to find one job that pays the bills so that I don’t have to, and my workplace situation is becoming increasingly hostile at both.

Her workplace is also spiraling into hostility and she’s been planning a vacation abroad for months. She asked me a couple months ago to dog sit for her, as one of her two dogs is elderly and sickly. I agreed to do it, and she’s due to leave on Thursday for 10 days. I know she’s really looking forward to it, as her last vacation was ruined by COVID.

Well, my dad called me yesterday and said that he might have found someone with the power to pull some strings and at least get me an interview at a company I applied to. This person has helped others, and my dad said if the job happens, it’ll happen fast. I told him I had agreed to dog sit, and he said I should put myself before their dogs and that they can figure something else out.

So I called my friend to tell her about the situation. She was understandably upset, but I assured her that as of right now nothing has changed, but that it would be prudent to have a backup prepared just in case (which she should do ANYWAY, me potentially moving out of state notwithstanding). We talked about it, at which point she asked “If they offer you the job, are you really going to take it?” I said, “What are you talking about? Of course I am. I can’t stay in this job much longer, you know that.” I told her if they offered, I’d have to ask for a couple of weeks anyway to pack up my apartment and house hunt. She hemmed and hawed about not having anyone else to watch the dogs, rushed off the phone to go “make some phone calls.” A few hours later she sends me this text:

If I can’t find anyone to at least take Old Dog by Monday, I NEED you to watch the dogs as promised or I’ll have to consider shortening or canceling my trip. I’m sorry if this means you have to miss out on a job opportunity, but Old Dog is too medically fragile to board and I’m struggling to make other plans right before I leave.

I was stunned, and then I was pissed. This woman really just straight up said “I’m sorry but your financial stability is expendable and a sacrifice I’m willing to make.” It took some input from a friend to come up with a civil reply, wherein I reiterated that point that a) I was still planning to watch the dogs and b) regardless of my situation it would make sense to have a backup, in case I had an emergency myself and couldn’t be with the dogs. She responded, “In that case I would figure something out, but this isn’t an emergency.”

Every person I’ve asked about this has been equally as stunned by her reaction and her demand that I pass up this hypothetical job opportunity that I haven’t even been offered yet. We’ve had issues in the past where she talked down to me, but this is the worst by far. My family has repeatedly asked me why I still talk to her when she treats me this way, and I’ve often spoken in her her defense that she’s there for me when I need her. But this? This makes me realize what she truly thinks about me, that I’m a pity case she keeps around to use for her convenience. When she gets back from vacation, I plan to quietly block her and never speak to her again. Would I be wrong to do so?

RELEVANT COMMENTS

**Cocklecove:* The way she treats you, I wouldn’t even watch the dogs at all. You know she won’t be making any other arrangements when you get the call, she won’t shorten her vacation to care for her dogs. The dogs will be the ones alone. She doesn’t deserve to have you as a friend. Back out now. Screw her and look out for yourself*

OOP:

The only reason I’m not backing out is because I know her work situation is bad and, despite everything, I do want her to take the vacation and enjoy it. She’s worked hard for it. I’m taking the high road and doing her this one last favor, but if the job offer comes in I’m taking it. I’ll explain to them that I have a prior commitment and need time anyway, which was my plan to begin with.

**YellowBeastJeep:* Wait, her WFH job is a hostile work environment?*

OOP:

Verbal abuse is still abuse. I’m not at liberty to share any more details than that, unfortunately. Which is ironic, given how she turned around and used verbal abuse on me in this instance…

 

Update Oct 29, 2023

They’re back from their trip. I left them a long note detailing everything they needed to know about the dogs. She’d tried to leave an envelope of cash and said that she’d cut me a check for the other half when they got back and I tacked on a bit in my note saying to consider my dog sitting a birthday gift for them both and left the money. She messaged me thanking me and said she had some souvenirs she couldn’t leave on my doorstep and asked to meet up. I just told her to get some rest and quietly blocked her. Is it cowardly? Probably. But I have enough going on in my life and frankly the idea of a confrontation makes me sick.

As for the job offer…it never came. Dad’s friend said he was worried my relevant experience was all part time. I rechecked my application and it had been kicked back as incomplete, so I resubmitted it. Got no notification, but I checked the submission again and got the “Thank you for your interest, unfortunately we’re moving forward with other candidates at this time.”

So. All that for nothing. Lost a dear friend who showed her true colors over a job offer that never came. Thanks to everyone who commented with their words of encouragement before. I’m gonna go have a good cry and figure out where to go from here.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP