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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2023-11-27 06:00:55.

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/throwaway9216890. He posted in r/AmItheAsshole

Please remember the no brigading rule and please keep the comment section civil.

Trigger Warning: death of a partent; discussions of heavy grief

Mood Spoiler: sad and bittersweet

Original Post: November 9, 2023

My (14M) mom died just over a week ago and her funeral is in 3 days.

I don’t want to go to the funeral I don’t see the point all its gonna do is confirm that shes not coming back. This is probably gonna make me sound insane but if I go then that means she is dead and definitely never coming back but if I don’t go then she might not be dead and she might still come back. So I just think it’s way better if I don’t go. Plus if I go I might start being sad and not doing anything like my dad is so by not going it’s actually way better for my mental health because at the moment I feel fine like obviously I miss her but I’m okay about it.

I told my dad 2 days ago that I’m not going and he got really annoyed. He said that I’d regret it in the future and I should just say bye to her. I told him it was a really easy decision to make and that just made him way more angrier.

He told a few family members and they’ve all been trying to convince me to go to the funeral and some of them are saying I don’t care about my mom because I haven’t reacted about her not being here at all. It doesn’t mean I don’t care though, I just don’t really feel anything.

am I the asshole?

edit: thank you so much for all of the replies they’re helping me out a lot thank you ❤️

Relevant Comments:

This lovely top comment and OOP’s response:

Commenter: "NTA. Hi! I’m a therapist so I here are my clinical thoughts. You’re right, by not going to the funeral, you can delay the devastating sadness. But it’s just a delay, and that delay could be a day, a week, or a month, but trust that it’s going to hit you. The grieving and sadness are non-negotiable.

Funerals are meant to be a chance to say goodbye, to grieve with other people who loved your mom, and to provide a space to unapologetically feel (or not feel) everything. The funeral is for you, to start moving through the emotions that come with this.

I’m so sorry for your loss. You don’t have to go, but if your reason is to pretend and ignore, that won’t last very long."

OOP: “alright thank you so much ❤️”

Most of OOP’s responses are like this:

"okay thank you so much I don’t really know what I’m gonna do but the replies helped me out a lot thank you.

I’m sorry for your losses"

OOP is voted NTA

Update Post: November 20, 2023 (11 days later)

So, I did go to my moms funeral. It was about a week ago now. I probably wouldn’t have gone without some of the advice I received on my og post so thank you :)

I sat through the whole funeral but I left the wake early because it was just a bit much. I’m glad I went in the end. My dad said that he’s really proud of me for going and he apologised for getting annoyed at me.

Like the day after the funeral I started feeling really shit which was weird because I hadn’t really felt anything until that but a few people in the comments said I would feel like that so I guess that’s normal.

I think that’s it there’s not really much more to update, thank you to everyone who commented on my post :]

Editor’s note: OOP, I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending you a virtual hug from afar. I hope you have good people to talk to about this.

Again- do NOT comment on OOP’s posts.