This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2023-11-28 06:00:15.

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/DarkProfessional9601

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITA for kicking my dad out from my wedding party?

Trigger Warnings: emotional manipulation, emotional abuse, controlling behavior, verbal abuse, homophobia, obsessive behaviors towards a child, attempted imprisonment, body shaming, financial manipulation, harassment, and mentions of sexual misconduct

Editor’s Note: Added spaces in all posts for readability

 

Original Post - July 12, 2022

I (21f) and getting married to my fiancé (30f) this October. At the time of our engagement I was living with my dad to save money on rent, however after I told my dad of our engagement he promptly got jealous and tried to lock me in my room so “we could talk”. I managed to get out of the house after threatening to call the cops and quickly moved in with my fiancé. Since then my dad has “come around to support us” and I don’t buy it.

For context, growing up my dad has only cared about himself and his image, which cause him and and my mom to divorce when I was five. Since then all my dad has done is try to keep me under his control and house, ie; tell me the rest of my family doesn’t want me, no one else would like me, I was too fat to have friends but he’d still be my friend, and he’s the only one I should care about, etc.

Now, after my dad has come around for the wedding, he has paid for half of my dress (roughly $800) and for postage for the save the dates and invites. Here’s how I may be the asshole, after thinking about this fifty ways to hell and back, I can’t see myself as happy with my dad walking me down the aisle, father/daughter dance etc. My mom and to be MIL have both agreed that if I don’t feel comfortable with my dad in the wedding party then I can ask him to not be in the party, he can attend the wedding still, but just as a guest.

However my fiancé says that since he has paid for part of my dress and that he should be in the wedding party. Knowing my dad, if I tell him he’s not a part of the party, he’ll throw a fit and I don’t know if I can handle that right now atop the wedding planning. AITA if I tell my dad he won’t be part of the wedding party?

Edit: I thought I added this, but I would be paying him back, sorry. I saw the first comment and realized I left it out.

Edit 2: I did post updates from the comments onto my own page.

 

AITAH has no consensus bot, but based on the comments, OOP was NTA

 

Editor’s Note: the additional updated comment from August 8th, 2023, also has been blended into the Update #1 with more details

Update - Nov 21, 2023

So update post here, I finally figured out how to update. Sort of. Warning I am on mobile so there maybe some typos.

So I forgot about this whole post and page for a bit. And holy shit did shit go down at the wedding. (Also adding more details as previous “update” was in the comments and therefore limited characters.

I did end up telling my dad he was no longer part of the wedding party after we caught him trying to change wedding plans. His reasoning for trying to change stuff: “I helped pay for the wedding so I can make decisions too” He could still attend as a guest, but he would not be walking me down the aisle or anything like that.

One of my dear friends, who is very much more of a father figure to me, did end up walking me down the aisle with my mom. I did pay him back for everything that he paid money towards, not quite 1k. He did, as predicted, throw a woe is me tantrum on social media saying I was rude and not his daughter for not letting him walk me down the aisle and quote; “taking away his dream”. WTF.

Important side note, we had a movie reference on the tables involving peanuts, and another note my dad has had many “medical emergencies” in his life (I.e. he’s had stage four lymphoma cancer that he “was cured of”, swine flu, pneumonia, Ebola, Covid, but somehow before it was even a big deal in China, and he’s “severely allergic” to many foods yet doesn’t own an epi pen for any allergies despite having insurance that would cover most if not all of the expense).

Anyways he did attend as a guest (which I now regret letting him) as he did try to crash our first look and tried to get into the bridal suite to “talk to me” about the walking down the aisle. When asked what about, he wanted to try to talk me out of marrying my now wife, because she wasn’t a good person.

Again, wtf? And that he had evidence that she had been cheating on me, but when asked to see said evidence, he said he didn’t have it on him(obviously as my wife hadn’t been cheating on me). My dad proceeded to storm away after my MOH didn’t let him inside and he took a seat at one of the tables, with the afore mentioned peanuts. He. Lost. His. Shit.

There wasn’t even very many on the tables, maybe a small handful at most (5-7), screamed and swore at the sight of the peanuts on the table and went off on how he didn’t feel good, couldn’t breathe, etc. I had a view through a window from the suite of what went down and it looked like a scene straight out of a cheap ass soap opera. He knocked over the chairs, crashed back into another table and when offered medical attention, one of my uncles runs a small family practice, he spit out a no and he would drive himself to the er and promptly left. I did get a text later saying how could I have peanuts on the table when I knew he had a peanut allergy etc but I left him on read and continued enjoying the party.

We haven’t talked since, and my wife and I are now expecting our first kid in the next few weeks, my dad has not reached out since the wedding and it’s been the most stress free time in my life.

 

Editor’s Note: another additional updated comment from Aug 8th, 2023 was also blended into Update #2 with more details, along with the latest update as of Nov 21st, 2023, at the bottom of the post

Update #2 - Nov 21, 2023

UPDATE…ish from comments again, I’m just posting the update to my own page and adding more information. Ok so I seriously thought that this dad drama shit was over. High gods I was so fucking wrong.

So yesterday, my wife and I had to go to the hospital to check on the baby (no this wasn’t a scheduled appointment, I was having really bad Braxton hicks and the doc wanted to check us, we’re all good). But somehow my dad got wind that we are expecting and in came the bombardment of texts and calls.

Literally I had to turn my phone off because it was crashing from the amount of notifications I was getting. So the rest of the visit goes well, we were there for about three and a half hours. I turned my phone back on to see wtf happened.

Well my dad’s pissed I didn’t tell him I was pregnant, which honestly, I don’t care. I don’t trust him around kids, especially my own after I found out about his history (he was a bishop in the religion I was raised in, and there was evidence that he was “touchy” with certain aged people behind the closed doors of his office-that’s all I’m willing to say to the internet, if you know, you know). He was asking when the baby was due and all that, the typical parental questions.

This is where it got weird. He then asked who else was going to be in the delivery room aside himself, and when he and I were going to the 4-D ultrasound, and when the next doctor’s appointment was going to be so he could go with me instead of my wife.

Yes you read that right, the man invited himself in place of my wife to be in the delivery room and to every appointment before the delivery without even asking. I said no, it was going to be just me and my wife at the doctor’s appointments, ultrasound appointment, and especially just us in the delivery room. Which he tried to turn it on me saying he was just trying to be considerate, and then proceeded to say my grandma (a VERY religious woman) could be in the delivery room instead. Again no, that woman has also caused some serious religious trauma in the past and I am not even okay with her being in the same building as my unborn child as it is.

I’m to the point of wanting to go no contact with most of that side of the family. I’ve set up passwords and an anonymous patient security thing with the hospital and my doctor to make sure my father can’t do anything. At this point we are going very LC with my dad and grandma, but I just needed to vent about this as this is the norm in my family, but my wife can’t even understand why my family is like this and I feel like I’m going a bit crazy. Thanks for listening!

UPDATE: my baby girl is here (well she’s been here for almost three months), very healthy and born three weeks early. I’m now…

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/185o3dc/aita_for_kicking_my_dad_out_from_my_wedding_party/