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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2023-11-28 06:00:30.
I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/Individual_Usual_880. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole.
Short and sweet.
**Trigger Warning:**misogyny
Mood Spoiler: happy ending
I edited a few things for grammar and clarity. I also added paragraph breaks.
Original Post: November 20, 2023
Throwaway due to privacy. I (F31) recently found out that I am allergic to dust mites. 30 years I’ve been told that I was being hormonal, overthinking, on PMS and other things when raising my concerns of my health, mostly because I am a woman. I would have severe rash - and the only answer - it’s your hormones, once you will have your first period/pregnancy it’ll go over - not. Then cold like symptoms-again it’s due to hormones, it’ll be over when you’ll get pregnant - again not. I guess this will be relevant later.
Now, I am back at my work after my maternity leave and I work at IT company, with open office for 200 employees, so when you come inside it’s all computers as far as the eye can see - which is a lot of dust due to poor building ventilation system. So, in order to reduce dust at least on my desk I have a very small and silent vacuum, and just clean my desk every morning (again, might be relevant later - I clock in around 7 AM, the only people on the floor are kitchen worker and security).
Recently, a colleague of mine, let’s say Tom (M,35-ish) started to give me snarky comments on how l am overreacting and I have OCD and should go to therapy and maybe take some leave. I politely thanked for concerning about my mental health but I am not overreacting but rather following my allergy protocol. I gave no more details as I don’t think it’s any concern of his, we aren’t close and I purely see him as my colleague so business only. I also asked to stop that behavior as it makes me feel uncomfortable as if I should be ashamed of being allergic (which I am not, tons of people have same issues).
Unfortunately, comments didn’t stop, I asked several times to stop, and one day I felt like I had enough and emailed HR explaining the situation. Well shit hit the fan and dude got a note saying one more complaint, even in word and he’s out. Well now he’s pissed and told me that I was overreacting and pulled a typical female and I could’ve just stop with my bullshit and he would’ve stopped.
I talked with my husband and he sides with me, saying that Tom is now gaslighting me, my friends and other colleagues are divided. Which got me thinking that maybe I took this way too much, and I should’ve taken anti-allergy pills in the morning to help me throughout the day. Part of me thinks that Tom is a misogynist douchebag who just hates women and if not me other coworker would end up as his target. And his attitude towards women just pissed me off as I faced same bs through all my life and he was just the unlucky one who crossed the line. So, redditors AITA?
Relevant Comments:
On other allergy options:
“Thank you! I still am quite new to all of this, so every suggestion is more than welcome! I am waiting for insurance to confirm my request for allergy shots. I live outside the US, and normally a lot of things would be free, but for that I need to go through hell of a protocol so it’s faster to use my insurance for that. I am pretty sure I will get ok from them, it’s just a standard procedure. There is a cleaning team in the office, but they clean every evening, and all the computers are on all night, thus extra cleaning in the morning makes my day somewhat bearable vs if I stop doing that. I know that our office admin alerted building admin that ventilation system should be checked, but it’s a bit complicated with them.”
Vacuuming being triggering:
“Per my understanding no, as I do everything before most of the people get to the office. I get it that even a silent vacuum can trigger others so I get to the office early to make me and everyone else feel comfortable.”
OOP is voted NTA
Update (Same Post): November 21, 2023 (Next Day)
First of all, thank you. Second of all, I did email HR again. After half an hour, Tom was summoned to a meeting with HR and head of the office. Not sure what exactly was discussed (GDPR) but he told everyone he is resigning and he was let go as of today (normally, there’s 20 days notice period, unless you can negotiate otherwise). His boss is pissed, but I’ve noticed a handful of other employees seemed to be relieved? So, I do believe that many of you were right - Tom indeed had done something before and probably not only once. Also, HR wrote me that either I could leave early today or if I considered leaving late and take a day off tomorrow as he doesn’t want Tom to leave at the same time as me. This got me thinking that I do work in a great company! And tomorrow I’ll have a nice day off and spend it with my son!