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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2023-12-16 06:01:21.

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I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/ProfessionalEssay610

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITAH for telling my (21F) family that my partner (21M) forced me to do a paternity test?

Editor’s Note: Added spaces for readability

Trigger Warnings: past child abuse, emotional manipulation, verbal abuse, accusation of infidelity, demands of paternity tests

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Original Post - Nov 26, 2023

My partner and I have been together for over four years and I recently gave birth to our daughter. We had kept the pregnancy to ourselves till our baby was born happy and healthy due to worries about complications as I faced a high risk pregnancy.

We told our families after she was born, while my family was ecstatic, his was questioning if we hid it for ulterior reasons (they’ve always heavily disliked me and believe I’m just with their son for money.)

Yesterday we took her to meet her grandparents from his side and, after some polite conversation, they dropped the bomb that they would be doing a paternity test that he agreed to. To not make myself look suspicious I agreed to it but afterward made it clear to my partner that I felt incredibly disrespect. Cue an argument where he told me it wasn’t a big deal if it was his and that the test was requested for by them to ease their uncertainty.

Fast forward to today, I was having lunch with my mother and told her about the incident which left her pissed off and calling my partner a couple of names for insinuating I could’ve cheated. My mother ended up telling my grandparents who in a rage told him they would no longer accept him in their house for disrespecting me in such a way when the child is practically his twin.

We had another argument about it and he screamed saying i ruined his image by telling them. AITAH?

EDIT : Some of you are concerned about the hiding my pregnancy part so to clarify. My partner and I live a couple hours away from our families since we live by his university and typically only see each other on holidays and specials events. On top of that I have a very petite figure and had a rather small bump up until I gave birth so I was hardly showing as is which made hiding it a lot easier. Hiding it was a personal choice as I faced horrible anxiety due to constant bleeds throughout my pregnancy which made me fear the worst.

 

AITAH has no consensus bot, but based on the comments, OOP was NTA

 

Update - Dec 9, 2023

Update: So two days ago my partner’s mother received the results of the paternity test which, of course, showed my partner to be the father. They immediately called him super ecstatic and ready to take their place in the life of my daughter.

My partner was also incredibly happy as well since we would now be receiving their support due to the confirmation of my daughter being his. (For reference, since he’s studying and doesn’t work his family pays for his school and his half of bills. I on the other hand, work and pay my half of bills myself. In other words he’s reliant on then financially despite my insistence that we could survive off my salary.)

To his dismay though, with the confirmation of his paternity assured, I told him I wanted a break from him and his family’s antics (this is not the first stunt they pull that antagonizes me) and before this is flooded with questions as to why I didn’t leave sooner. I was naive and thought our love for each other would beat their disapproval of our relationship. It wasn’t, that is clear to me now. We ended up arguing over it but, against his wishes, I packed a bag for me and the baby anyways and drove to stay with my parents. He apologized at night and agreed that his part in the entire paternity stunt was messed up but that he agreed it had to be done even if he was certain she was his.

Fast forward to yesterday he texted me asking if I was willing to see him as he missed me and the baby. I agreed, assuming we could move past the whole ordeal. My family is still against him stepping foot in their house so we ended up meeting at a park to walk around. He apologized again and told me that the test was done so his family could trust me and willingly be apart of our daughter’s life. Thought I admitted that I had no intentions of letting them be around her till they at least apologize to me.

This heated him up and he began screaming claiming that as her father I had no right to keep her from his family no matter what they did. I disagreed though, advising him that if they couldn’t respect me they had no reason to be apart of her life. The argument went nowhere and I left with the baby back to my parents. He’s since been texting and calling me saying that he’d take me to court if I deprive his family access to her. I don’t think my position on the matter is wrong but to him I’m an AH for it.

EDIT : Before any more comments are made about my position about his parents. There’s more to it than just the test. I had always stressed to my partner that I wanted his mother specifically at a distance from our child. This was due to how horrific she treated us both for the first year of our relationship prior to us moving out together. Secondly, the woman is bipolar and abused my partner both physically and mentally when he was growing up as a child due to him having ADHD and being more hyper (this is what he told me at least.) Knowing this, I’m obviously weary of his mother around my daughter, the paternity test was just the nail on the coffin for me.

TLDR : My partner and I are on a break from each other but on said break we began arguing about his family’s ability to see her, as I don’t want them to since they can’t respect me.

 

THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.