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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Confident_Pack_7451 on 2023-07-11 20:11:42.

I was adopted at birth. My adoptive parents and I have a good relationship now, but it was rocky for a few years there. They didn’t tell me I was adopted and I found out in what I consider the worst way when I was 16: a spiteful relative told me. Not out for my best interest but they got mad at my mom and was trying to ruin her life. It caused a huge fight within the family and everyone focused on the drama rather than my entire life crumbling. I finally ended up in therapy at 18 and have been attending on and off for the past 10 years (currently on). I didn’t speak to my parents from the time I was 18 until I was 23. They acted like I was insane for being upset about all this.

Eventually, they apologized and began going to therapy themselves. We’ve slowly rebuilt our relationship. They have since accepted my search for my bio family and upon finding my bio mom, have been amazing with her.

My bio mom was coerced into giving me up. She hadn’t wanted to but her family all but forced her. She had no support. My parents didn’t know this part but purposefully chose a private adoption so I’d never know I was adopted. My bio mom and I have known each other for 4 years now. She is an amazing, kind and generous woman who is just like me. I spent so long feeling unseen and different. She was like completing a puzzle. My bio dad died when I was 12 and it’s devastating to know I’ll never meet him. He didn’t want to give me up either but they were very young and again, no support.

My bio mom told me she had named me Summer, but my adoptive parents changed it. She understood but I could tell the name meant a lot to her.

I recently got married and am changing my last name. I decided since I’m changing my last name, I’ll change my middle name too. It’s got no sentimental meaning vs Summer, which does to my bio mom as it’s her favorite season and I was born on the first day of summer. My bio mom cried tears of joy when I told her. She is so touched.

My adoptive parents are pissed off. They say that I have erased them. I kept my first name that they gave me. They say if I “had to” I should’ve just added Summer to my name.

AITA?

EDIT; because some people are twisting my words.

I am NOT mad I was adopted. Given my bio mom was coerced and forced, someone had to. I was NOT given up out of love. My bio parents loved me but if they had it their way I would’ve been raised by them.

I’m mad I was LIED to for 16 years and by my adoptive parents’ admission they never planned on telling me. I cut them off because they gaslit me and refused to admit they handled it badly on top of telling me I was crazy for being hurt.

I do not need to be grateful I was adopted. I do not need to be grateful they loved me or provided for me. Those are basic things that SHOULD BE done. I am grateful for a lot, but that doesn’t changed the awful things they did.

My adoptive parents admitted my middle name is meaningless. They picked it randomly (it’s the stereotypical Marie). So yes, I am sure.

Finally, I did NOT change my name to be vindictive. I changed it to represent both families. I am not upset my name was originally changed. I get it. I’m just trying to form a connection to my birth family.