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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throwaway3736638 on 2023-06-24 18:59:12+00:00.

So I(49F) have a daughter (14F) who is currently a freshman in school. I will first preface by saying she has always been popular due to her being very pretty, athletic and social. Unfortunately, this popularity has led to her and her friends being extremely cruel to others girls in the past.

One of her most defining features is her incredibly long hair. It is wavy, a beautiful light gold and goes down to about her waist. She is obsessed with her looks and has been caught skipping class before to style her hair in the bathroom with her friends.

Last night, she was on the phone with some of her friends and they were talking about a girl (14F) in their school who has gotten pregnant. She was taken advantage of by a family friend from what I had heard and was being forced to keep the baby due to the abortion laws in our state.

My daughter was laughing about this. I was horrified by what I heard her say. She said that the girl was so ugly and had such short hair no man would risk jail time for her. She also poked fun at the cultural hairstyles the girl wears- she is African American, among other racial comments. I also heard comments about her weight. For context my daughter is a slender white girl. I was outraged. I immediately got her off the phone and told her I was incredibly disappointed and tomorrow she was getting a much needed haircut. She laughed at me and walked off, thinking I was joking.

Well, this morning I followed through with my promise. I sat her down at the table and cut her hair to about chest length. I am a hairdresser and it is still nowhere near her shoulders so it is a fine haircut. She screamed and cried afterwards telling me I was abusing her and her life was over. I told her she will get her hair back but that poor girl will never be able to take back what happened to her.

AITA?

UPDATE:

Hello everyone. First of all, I’d like to thank you all for the ranges of advice I have received on this post. I will have a talk with her soon to explain the course of action. I admit I have raised her like this and should have put my foot down but have not in fear of an arguement- I try not to argue with my children for my own personal reasons. I turned a blind eye to this as I didn’t want to believe my own child could be so heartless and thought she would grow out of it. The reason I reacted so harshly and irrationally was I had a very close friend since kindergarten who was a victim of the same crime and took her life because of this. I have also contacted the school and the parents of the others on the call. I have decided to enroll her in therapy which she will start soon. She will also be volunteering at the local women’s shelter 3 days a week and on Saturday as well instead of her usual figure skating. There has been tension in the family since the passing of her elder sister- the reason I don’t argue with my kids. I may get her an appointment for some extensions as her hair has been really bothering her. However, it is her birthday coming up soon and am wondering what to do for that. If anyone has any advice on what to do I would very much appreciate it. I will also be limiting contact with these friends.