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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Old_Scientist4252 on 2023-06-24 20:05:27+00:00.

My wife thinks I’m an asshole, my buddies are on my side since it was a mistake. I don’t know what to do.

My wife Jane loves coffee. She used to work as a barista before getting a corporate job but she carried it forward and regularly makes us coffees with fancy patterns. She has a really fancy espresso machine with a grinder and they’re her pride and joy. We often joke that it’s the third wheel in our marriage given how much she’s interested in the drink.

I thought for an early birthday present, it would be nice to get her a new one. I saw this seller who can refit espresso machines and customise them so I thought it would be nice to get one that has olive and sage green accents. I’m quite proud of myself for thinking of it and it would look a lot nicer in our kitchen. Hers right now is stainless steel and reflective which stands out like an eyesore. So I got in touch with the seller and he agreed and he also helped me refit 2 portafilter handles with olive wood. One of them has her initials carved into it and the other says “Happy Birthday Darling” with a heart. I was going to give her this today and then show her the machine. I also got her a new grinder and had that match the espresso machine. Thoughtful right?

Well there was an issue with delivery so her new machine got delayed. My buddy came by late last night to pick up her machine and grinder which I let him have because of the new one, and then in the morning she would have come down to see the new machine. Now there is no machine. She flipped out asking me what i’d done with it because it was pretty obvious it was missing so I said I’d given it away to my friend because he needed it.

I didn’t want to ruin the surprise. She asked me why I didn’t think to tell her and I didn’t know what to answer so I just said that his broke and he needed one. We went back and forth for a bit and then she said she was going to go to a cafe and left. She came back and then I forfeited what my plan was and she was thankful but still annoyed I’d given her machine away without at least asking her because it has sentimental value to her (her brother bought her the machine as a gift for landing her corporate job).

My view is that it would have ruined the surprise if I’d told her and the shipping only showed it was delayed this morning. I did message my buddy to see if we could get it back for now until the new one comes but he said his parents are using it and I don’t want to inconvenience them over a misunderstanding.

AITA?