This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Effective-Adagio-481 on 2023-06-25 07:34:11+00:00.

Throwaway to keep my personal account private.

This has been eating me up for hours and I need some outside perspective. I (34F) have a 14 year old daughter. She has a fairly small but incredibly close group of friends, one of which has been here since school let out for summer break (almost exactly a month ago). They spend their days sleeping and their nights swimming and watching movies and giggling like teenager girls tend to do. About a week ago, I started making the friend help my daughter with her usual chores.

And for clarity’s sake, I’ll explain exactly what I mean by “chores”. Washing her own laundry (I handle mine and my husband’s as well as all the “house laundry” - towels, blankets, bed linens), loading her dirty dishes into the dishwater (again, I handle mine and my husband’s as well as the “house dishes”), helping clean up my daughters room (usually just means putting away/cleaning up music equipment, art supplies, and about a million half-empty water bottles and snack wrappers that need to go in the bin), help clean the pool before they go swimming (by this I mean using the net to clean away leaves and bugs but I do the major cleaning - vacuuming, filter changes, pump cleaning, level checks) putting up pool floaties after swimming, and once or twice a week, helping to cook dinner (I handle all other meals/snacks and all the shopping). Considering she’s been here for weeks, I thought this was fair…but the girl’s mom does NOT think it’s fair, and here’s the part where I get called an asshole.

The girls helped me make manicotti for dinner. The food was delicious and they were both (rightly) proud of themselves for how well it turned out. The friend took a picture and shared it to Snapchat, where her mom saw it. I’m not entirely certain what was said in the conversation between the friend and her mom, but I do know they spoke just before I got an irate phone call from her mom. She said I don’t have a real job (and to be fair, I don’t have an income-earning job, I’m an unemployed SAHM by choice) and that it wasn’t her daughter’s responsibility to feed me and keep my house in order. At first, I had assumed maybe the friend told her mom I was having her “do chores” but didn’t explain what the chores actually were. I thought her mom might have just jumped to conclusions and thought I’m having her kid clean my house, mow the lawn, and cook us dinner every night. But no, after explaining what exactly it is I was making her daughter do, she was still very angry. She called me a lazy AH before hanging up on me and now I’m wondering if she’s right. Her daughter is a guest in our home, even if it’s a bit of an extended stay instead of her usual 3-4 days before going back home. Should I just leave it at her picking up her dishes/trash and do the rest myself? Is the laundry, pool, and dinner going too far? AITA?