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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/abakr0 on 2023-07-17 03:02:50.

I (19f) was drinking some wine the other night and invited some friends over, including a guy I just started seeing. I’ll call him W (20m), we’ve been hanging out for a couple weeks and I was starting to get pretty into him. I’ve noticed he has some social anxiety and it took a few dates for him to start having actual conversations with me.

A couple hours later, my friend E called and invites us all over to her house. Everyone was down to go, I couldn’t drive but luckily (or so I thought at the time) W offered to drive everyone to her house.

I am THOROUGHLY drunk by the time we get to E’s. She offers all of us food and tells us to go through her kitchen. I find some DELICIOUS cream cheese wontons, and we ended up making two boxes to share. W and I probably ate about 30 wontons. As we’re eating, our gracious host invites everyone upstairs to take a dab. I believe W might have gotten a little too high which probably didn’t mix well with a stomach full of wontons.

We eventually migrate downstairs and start watching a movie. I fell asleep laying on W and about an hour later I wake up to a horrific sight. I am covered in W’s throw up. Y’all this man couldn’t even be bothered to push me off of him before the floodgates opened. It’s not a huge deal at first, a lil gross but everyone throws up sometimes.

W decides to sit on a 15 thousand dollar couch throwing up into his shirt. Instead of you know LEANING OVER the couch onto the hardwood at the very least. I finally spring into action and start dragging this dude into the bathroom. I leave him in there to clean himself up, while E and I start frantically cleaning up the couch.

A few minutes later, a shirtless W makes his walk of shame out of the bathroom. He passes us and mutters the briefest sorry ever, then he RUNS outside without offering to help us clean up HIS mess. Meanwhile I am scrubbing this couch with his vomit still in my hair.

We finally leave, I have to ask one of my friends to drive, and head back to my house so everyone can get their cars. For some reason, W assumed he was staying the night at my house. I give him some clothes and I go take a shower. W doesn’t say a word to me until the morning. I tell him everything is fine, dude was definitely embarrassed as fuck. I’m trying my best to reassure him it’s not the worst thing ever. I finally get to the point where I have enough nerve to kick shawty out. He left some stuff at my house, so I’ll have to see him again soon.

Everyone throws up sometimes, but at least have the decency to actually apologize and offer to help clean. I understand he has bad anxiety, but the way he handled the situation is definitely a deal breaker for me. He’s not a sick little kid waiting outside of mom’s door.

TL;DR I fed my date too many wontons and he ended up throwing up all over me and a 15k couch.

Edit: I feel like I should clarify! I went outside to talk to him after we got things cleaned up, I told him about some similar embarrassing stories of mine to try and make him feel better. My guy friend went to talk to him too, W asked for my friend’s number just so he could tell him thank you. E and I never got a thank you, even though we were the ones who cleaned everything up for him.