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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Maximum_Resource_483 on 2023-06-25 11:35:53+00:00.

I really don’t know if I’m in the wrong or not so here it goes.

My wife (26F) and I (30F) have been married for a year now. She’s overall a sweetheart and a very kind person. So kind that she has a hard time saying no when someone asks her for something, including her time. She’s only comfortable around me and that is because we’ve been together since college, admittedly not out until just a few years ago.

Her friends would ask her to go out and pressure a little bit and she’d end up going even though she doesn’t want to. Everyone says I’m much more intimidating than my wife, and her friends also know this. I wouldn’t know. Maybe it’s because I have to be extra serious at work.

Anyway, recently my wife started saying things like ‘I can’t come we have to go somewhere’ or ‘We have a thing at home tonight Evelyn (me) would be very upset if I wasn’t home’ or ‘Evelyn’s had a long day at work I don’t want to leave her alone’.

I told her maybe instead of these she could just say she’s not available that day and not use me as an excuse. Her friends and family already don’t like my seriousness, and by these comments they may get the idea that I am a controlling monster of some sort.

I just said that she doesn’t have to explain everything in detail to anyone and just a simple ‘I won’t be available’ is enough. She got upset and said this worked best for her because her friends wouldn’t argue with her when I was mentioned.

Is it really not a big deal and am I TA for this?