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The original was posted on /r/sex by /u/Sea_Dimension_2030 on 2023-07-16 21:21:12.

Hi all. Thanks for reading. I (m43) and my wife (f40) have been married 15 years. Our sex life is OK. I wish the frequency was doubled and wish she was not as vanilla.

Last night she allowed me to use a toy on her, which happens maybe once every 8 months maybe. It went OK, she came, but something seemed off. She got on top of me and rode me to orgasm.

Afterwards I could tell something was bugging her, she was distant and rolled away not facing me. After asking her again and getting told all is ok, which I knew it wasn’t, I left it, as her communication skills are not great, and fell asleep. Again in the morning I could tell that something was up, I asked again. She said her bum was sore and that I “probably” stuck the toy in her anus. This is not the first time she has said this. The first time was after sex she said afterwards her anus was sore and I must have put a finger inside her ass. In both cases I never did such a thing and she climaxed in both cases.

The first time she made that claim I showed some stuff I found online whereby ladies have claimed to get a pain in the anus/rectum area after an orgasm. I said to her surely she would know at that moment if I penetrated her anally just like that.

Now that it happened again, I told her nothing of the sort happened that way, I was completely clear of her anus both with the toy and with my penis whilst she was on top of me.

I said to her she is pretty much accusing me of rape, by saying I penetrated her intentionally in the anus knowing I never had her consent. I said to her this is a massive deal for me. She is pretty much acknowledging to me that she thinks it’s plausible I would do that. I said to her I don’t know how I or her come back from this. I asked her why would she want to be married to a man she feels is “probably” capable of this and how I can be married to someone who thinks that of me.

I really have three questions:

  1. What could have caused this pain? Has any ladies experienced anal/rectal pain after sex or climaxing with no anal play/penetration?
  2. Was my response to my wife’s claims justified?
  3. How can I look at her the same again after she said I “probably” did that to her.

I’m sorry for such a long post and thanks for taking the time to read and reply.

EDIT: Most of the stimulation was external clit stimulation with slight penetration at times, with maybe 3 inch max penetration each time.