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The original was posted on /r/sex by /u/Little_Ad4592 on 2023-07-17 13:14:26.

Me and my girlfriend had been having regular sex (especially in the first 2 years of our relationship) extremely frequently, at one point 3 times a day for a long time as we lived together in a unit shared with a friend of hers. I started to worry she was faking orgasms as I was still in experienced and very insecure. It eventually came up when we were both drunk and I broke down about it and confessed to her that I was worried she was faking orgasms with me. She admit that she was but reassured me that we could work through it and I could learn her body and what made her orgasm (at this time we had been dating for less then 6 months). We continued having regular sex and I put extra time and effort into foreplay, often longer then 20-30 minutes in an attempt to make sure she orgasm before I did. I watched all the videos you can find and tried studying the sounds she made and the ways she reacted to things that I did. Eventually I was convinced I was making her orgasm everytime and she reassured me that I was, even bragging I made her cum multiple times on regular occasions. Years have gone by and I maintained the aura of confidence that she was completely satisfied and that I was an incredible lover, until the sex begun to slow down. We eventually were living separately and were not seeing each other as frequently because of work and university and the sex became once a week, then twice a month until we barely ever had sex with each other. I chalked it to not having a comfortable place to have regular sex and counted on us moving out again as being a solution. Eventually we did and the sex was more frequent but she seemed hesitant and still only entertained it a couple times a week if I initiated, and ONLY if I initiated. She blamed the drop in her libido to the medication she is taking for her mental conditions. And then it came up, eventually she admit around a year later that she had never orgasm once in our relationship but reassured me that she still enjoyed our sex and enjoyed pleasing me (which she is incredible at). I feel so ashamed and pathetic, for a while i felt that our sex was a chore for her to keep me happy and this all but confirmed it in my head. I feel betrayed even though I know she did it to preserve my feelings. I put myself in her head and can understand why it was so hard to tell me after everything we had been through. According to her, she has a very particular way she masturbates and nothing else works. Apparently this is common? I dont know what to do. We have had sex since but I cant even stay hard and attempt it. I feel like a less of a man and I am beginning to rethink alot of the happy memories we’ve had, especially our most intimate moments which I have treasured. Deep down im extremely angry at her but I know that my own insecurity and ego are taking over and I still love her more then anything and as much as I want to blame her, it always comes back to feeling ashamed and belittled. You could describe the way she gets off as humping using her hand and apparently there are positions that can help her cum, but does that mean I’ll never have a hand in foreplay to get her to climax? She also says she sometimes watches porn of other women masturbating, and listening to the moans gets her off. That really hurts the most as I feel that she isnt truly attracted to me and is potentially fantasising about other people when she gets herself off in private after I fail to. After 4 years of very regular sex and me spending so much time on foreplay and having her walk me through what to do how can i of not possibly made her orgasm once? That is the answer I keep coming to but I don’t want it to be true. Any advice or similar stories would help.