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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2024-02-06 06:01:03.
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA-Ihateherguts
OOP has since deleted her account
AITA for asking my best friend to break up with his uneducated, unemployed girlfriend so we can be together?
Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole & r/relationship_advice
Thanks to u/Kamala_Metamorph for suggesting this BoRU
Thanks to u/invisible-clouds & u/constellationgame for finding the links
TRIGGER WARNING: Obsession, Envy, entitlement, covetousness, verbal abuse, sexual harassment.
Original Post Feb 19, 2020
OOP made basically the same post on AmItheAsshole and relationship_advice, the relationship_advice post was more detailed
I’m [F22] in love with my best friend [M26], he won’t leave his loser GF [F24] for me. Feb 19, 2020
I know the title makes me seem like a bitch but I couldn’t think of another way to summarize it in one go. We’ll call him Dean and we’ll call his gf Helen.
Basically, I’m a university student, and interned at a marketing company over the last few Summers. Dean was my boss there and we became really close friends. Our friendship moved outside of work, and I no longer intern there at all. The more we talked, the more I fell for him. He’s incredible, hardworking successful, funny, the whole package.
His girlfriend is not, imo. She’s actually a loser. She’s uneducated and unemployed. Helen dropped out of high school because of family problems. Apparently her Mom has severe anxiety and depression, overdosed multiple times when Helen was a kid, and would have breakdowns threaten to hurt herself if she was left alone. So, Helen stayed home with her, and still does when necessary, because her father can’t get retired. Over the years, Helen had admitted it’s weighed on her own mental health, she sees a psychiatrist and takes medication.
She’s developed her own irrational anxiety, she’s had some jobs over the years (in the hours her Dad is home with her Mom from work), but would have screaming/ crying panic attacks while on the job. She has them at home sometimes too, at night. But she can calm herself down okay apparently. Subsequently, she’s never finished school or held down a job.
Dean and I have talked about it many times. He insists she’s.doing her best, that she does all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, yardwork, etc… at her home. She gets a very small amount of money from her father for this weekly. She also does video game streaming and makes some money from that. Barely any, I think.
They’ve been together for 5 years, and he’s come to term with the fact she may never work or get educated (Dean has a marketing degree). but he doesn’t seem to care. He says he will provide financially, and he’s okay with her being a SAHM someday, or even just a stay at home wife.
I DM’d him asking him why he’s even in love with her, how he fell in love with her, just why. I don’t get it. He can do so much better. He said this: “I fell in love with her for many reasons. She’s sweet, kind, cute, and she always sees the best in people even with everything that she’s been through. I think she’s funny, beautiful, intelligent and is always trying to do some good. I like that she’s random, silly, quirky and passionate af, I like how competitive she is, because l’m competitive too. I like that she’s athletic. I like how she cook things, top of the dome, without the need to google everything (like me). I love her giggle and I really love her smile. I like her singing voice and, well, all of her voices. I like her hugs and I love her kisses. I like when her fingers are in my hair. I like the things that she draws or makes from hand. I like it when she holds my hand. I like her taste in memes and I like her taste in music. I like her puns and her sense of humour. I really like her presence, and I like her dance moves and how good she is at everything. I like that she like to help people. I genuinely like the person that she is, always have. I admire her a lot and will always want her for myself.”
I told him how I felt about him, how I’m in love with him, and that I wished she wasn’t around. He said: “Well I’m lucky that she is. I don’t know what’d I’d do without her.”
I told him he’s just comfortable, and he’s staying with her cause it’s been a long time. That l’ve been at a place in my life where I thought I couldn’t go on without certain people but I survived, and he would too. He said this: “Well, I don’t want to. So I’d appreciate you not saying things like “I wish she wasn’t in the picture”. That’s awful. If you cared at all about me then you’d say that I’m lucky to have her and respect that. Yenno?”
So, he adamantly won’t leave her. And I don’t understand why. With the little money she earns, she saves up to do some very special things for him. Got him a cameo from his favourite actress, took him to see his favourite sports team in the playoffs, got him a PS4, she’s taking him to his favourite band this Summer. She also does “sweet” stuff for him like give him random cards, drawings, paintings, crap like that. I think maybe that’s the real reason he stays with her, but I could do that stuff for him too. She’s had years to do it.
I’m studying hard. I work as a barista to get through school. love talking to him, I love spending time with him. He means the world to me. Does anyone have advice on how I can win him over? I just want him for myself, 'm the better choice for him, he just doesn’t realise it right now. What can I do here?
Edit: Some people think l’m shitposting. I’m not. Here’s some of our DM’s:
EDITORS NOTE: TRANSCRIPTS OF SCREENSHOTS
DEAN: How materialistic are you??
OOP: Your really going to support some stupid bitch the rest of your life? That’s really insane
DEAN: It’s none of your business. Why’d you apologize if you’re still going like this?
OOP: Cause I don’t think you realize how dumb what your choosing for yourself is
OOP: She’s not worth it
OOP: You can have someone who is your equal
DEAN: Listen. I don’t have to argue with you about who l’m going to marry lol. You want to talk? We can talk about anything you want except my relationship. Otherwise I won’t be replying
OOP: You looked out for me so I’m just looking out for you…
OOP: I’m just being a good friend…
OOP: She has no job though and I do
DEAN: Yeah. You’re a real treat.
OOP: Atleast I’m not a broke bitch
DEAN: You work at a coffee shop and rent a room [redacted] lol
OOP: Yeah which is more than she does, isn’t it?
DEAN: No actually. Call my gf bitch one more time.
OOP: Call them like I see them
OOP: Noone else would do that. Your still talking to me, you didn’t give up
DEAN: Just trying to look out. Doesn’t seem like you have anyone else. Anyone would do the same.
OOP: Not any guy I’ve met before
OOP: I just wish she wasn’t in the picture I guess
DEAN: Well I’m lucky that she is. I don’t know what I’d do without her
OOP: You’d go on like everyone else
OOP: There many people I thought I couldn’t go on without but here I am
OOP: You would figure it out too
DEAN: Well, I don’t want to. So I’d appreciate you not saying things like “I wish she wasn’t in the picture”. That’s awful. If you cared at all about me then you’d say that l’m lucky to have her and respect that. Yenno?
(We were fighting here but we usually have a great relationship)
Edit: I decided to link him to this post as someone who commented recommended. Hopefully he’ll get a better insight into where I’m at emotionally, and why.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
woodfordreverse
Can’t you just be FWB?
OOP
He doesn’t want that. I’ve asked/sent nudes. He asked me to stop immediately or he would cut contact.
littlemidgeem
You asked for nudes from a guy in a happy relationship? And sent him some even though he has a gf? This is the easiest YTA we’ve had in at least a week!
schmavid
There’s clearly something he sees in her that he doesn’t see in you. You can’t explain why people like who they like. If he’s happy with her and the relationship then that’s that. Your attempts to drive them apart with only drive your friend away from you.
OOP
He hasn’t let himself see me in that light though. If he did, he would see I can offer him all she does, and more. He just thinks he’s happy, love is blind, he had no idea what he’s in right now because he’s in so deep. If he could just wake up and realise, we could ve a very happy life together in the futur…
Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1ak1vl9/aita_for_asking_my_best_friend_to_break_up_with/