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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Immediate-Strike-785 on 2023-07-17 19:12:45.
My partner and I have been together for a long time. Many years infact. So I am well caught up in her past and present situations.
My partner struggles with many things as she grew up in the classic Asian household. So mental health isn’t exactly a priority they see fit. When she was a teenager, she was struggling a lot with it and decided to get help, however her mom felt ‘embarrassed’ to be seen in public with her ‘fucked up’ daughter. This obviously manifested in the way you would expect- trauma, sadness, shame etc. This is compounded by the fact that her mom joined the therapy session where they both started ganging up on her and her mom playing the victim role.
Obviously this created a very deep scar, of which there are many. R word, s***al abuse, parents that would mentally abuse and physically harm her. Her dad specifically told her he loved her whilst punching her. She had been locked away from social events, kept inside like a prisoner almost. I feel terrible for her, however I try to not burden myself with her weight of issues too deeply as I want to be fit and healthy to support and listen to her.
So effectively as a teen, no help was sought out due to a huge fear of therapists and feelings of shame associated with depression.
I know this depression grew deeper and into something I believe more sinister like ptsd, but I am no expert and therefore my opinion is moot.
So recently, my partner traveled back home for the summer and has been staying with her parents. After these years, the relationship between her and her mom has grown much more positive and her mom now supports her. However her dad is still the same as his old self. Her dad still continues to make brash and harsh comments that aren’t appropriate to someone you love. She recently started a new medication to help with an ailment and one of the side effects (very low probability) is gaining weight around the face. Her dad was talking to my parents uncle whilst my partner ate lunch today. He told her uncle, whilst staring at her, that she is going to get fat around the face in an angry voice. This is the type of stern voice he uses when he is mad and I know any hint of anger in my voice and trigger a bad response from her. She obviously took this on very deeply and it has hurt her a lot.
I listened to her, let her vent and was trying my best to be supportive. She said it was okay, but I know something like that can linger for a long time, even with the proper self care.
As the day progressed, she became more and more upset and wanted to get back at her dad for what he said. So she decided the best course of action was to reduce the amount she ate and refuse any meals by her dad (he loves to feed her). She wanted to make him suffer and feel her pain.
I told her that eating less may not be the right course of action due to an increase in water weight as a side effect of the medication (she was scared of gaining water weight and getting ‘fat’ like he said). And perhaps should try to refuse meals by him and eat a healthier diet so she can lose the weight in a more controlled and healthy manner.
Because I went against her suggestion and used a word that she finds triggering by accident (fine). I have now upset her more, to the point where she has blocked me on all social media accounts and refuses to contact me.
She has also decided to effectively eat as little as humanly possible to make herself lose weight.
I am extremely worried for her, but I know that if I get sad and become self destructive too, the situation will be made worse.
I love her more than I could explain. However I may need advice on how to go about this.
To add context to those who read this far:
- I also suffered with depression, suicide and anxiety. So I do have empathy and sympathy for her situation.
- I am currently back home whilst she travelled to her parents
- I am new to TIFU so many apologies for my poor redditing.
TL:DR TIFU: I upset my girlfriend and may have pushed her over the edge.