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The original was posted on /r/maliciouscompliance by /u/batkevn on 2024-02-10 06:01:55.

There is a particular delivery app that I use. The unfortunate thing is that they direct the drivers by what seems to be the fastest route, but isn’t always logical. My condo just so happens to be located right next to a senior living community, and it takes the drivers there. I know this and put directions on my orders. I sit by the phone because the app is broken and I cannot contact the driver until they reach out to me. It is an incredibly quick fix (three immediate left turns), just annoying.

The other day, I placed an order and got a new driver who went to the senior community and spent 30 minutes wandering around, getting farther and farther away from where I accurately was on the map before finally calling me. I told him exactly what he needed to do, “Go back to the main road and turn left. The turn left into the very first driveway with the for sale sign next to it. Then make an immediate left as soon as you enter the complex. That is where I am.” He said okay and hung up. I then watched as he went back to the main road an turned right…

Repeated calls went unanswered and I watched for another 30 minutes while he went everywhere but the direction toward my home. He finally called me again and I was able to get him pointed in the right direction and he even found my complex! He then proceeded to discard all other information I provided and began wandering my complex. He was getting close, so I headed toward my door.

Now, it is important to note that I am disabled (hence the heavy delivery app usage), and everything from the bellybutton down is mostly numb. I don’t know I need to use the bathroom until it is near emergency status. He was almost at my door when the feeling hit, and I figured I’d have my order momentarily, so I didn’t rush to the bathroom. In the time it took for the app to refresh, he had walked right past me and was nearly on the opposite side of the complex. At this point, I decided to go to the bathroom and he could now wait for me.

Just as I was about to stand up, my phone started ringing. I answered as I stood, and the exertion made me release the contents of my bowels into my pants. The man was screaming into the phone that I give him directions when I looked down and saw a puddle forming on the floor at my feet. I muttered, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” The man heard me and shouted, “Don’t move!” then hung up. The damage was done, I already had a mess to clean up, and it took this idiot 2 hours to go 300 feet, so he can smell the fruits of his labors. I sat back down and waited.

It still took him a while, but what was really unfortunate for him is that the order included alcohol so he had to scan my ID, and my porch light doesn’t work. I could have used my phone light, but decided I didn’t want to. He saw what was going on at my feet and was trying as hard as he could to get out of there. Hey, you wanted to find me, and now you did. Stay a while!

He eventually got my ID to scan and he ran back to his car while I cleaned myself up. The drinks may have been warm, but they were delicious.