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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/kristallball99 on 2023-07-18 04:40:22.

My daughter’s father and I haven’t been together since shortly before she was born. We’ve done well at the whole coparenting thing for the most part, and even when it’s been hard I’ve tried to always do the right thing for her.

She’s ten months old and in her whole life he has paid me $430 dollars in support. He makes just under 100k which is about double what I make. He has bought formula for her. I thought where we get along well it was unnecessary to go the legal route and would only rock the boat. When I went back to work we agreed we would split the cost of daycare 50/50. So far I’ve paid it all. This is where the issue began. He said with the cost of living increases and such he is struggling a bit. I totally understand that is the reality for many people right now and I’m not out for him to finance my life or anything like that.

But he bought a new ‘luxury’ vehicle shortly after telling me this. I tried to have a discussion about the fact I need his help with daycare costs and how I think that’s a very fair ask. His response was that because I don’t pay a mortgage(inherited home) I don’t quite understand the struggle. This of course ticked me off because I certainly can’t afford to go buy a third very expensive vehicle mortgage or no mortgage… I also am the primary caregiver, he has 24 hours a week as per his work schedule availability but I too have to work full time and still parent.

Upon advice from other people I’ve decided it probably is best to have a legal agreement done and to file for child support. Many of my family members think I’m being too nice and in turn being taken advantage of. I feel like he knows a healthy coparenting relationship is important to me and holds that over my head a bit. He is very very upset at the prospect of having to pay court ordered support because he says they will suck him dry. Not at all what I want or how I think they figure it out. I just want him to help financially even if at this point it ruins the good ‘friendship’ we have.

Sooo am I the asshole? I’m kind of feeling like it tonight.