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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/DCpurpleTart33 on 2023-07-18 17:42:23.
So my (43F) and my boyfriend (44M) have been together for years and live together. We don’t have kids. We’re very happy and have good communication. There is one issue that drives me nuts.
We use a joint account to buy food for us, usually shopping together a few times a month and then one of us picking up things here and there. I cook dinner almost every night and we don’t eat a ton of junk, but occasionally I’ll buy things we both love for a weekend or to just indulge here and there. The issue is that I go to bed on the early side and he stays up late- and goes full ham on any junk food we have around on any given night of the week. I’m talking an entire family size bag of chips and the entire container of queso- gone in one sitting that I was saving for Friday margaritas. I went to make us root beer floats with the quart of ice cream and 2liter of soda and they were gone from shopping 2 days prior. He doesn’t ever replace things, he just gives me a sheepish smile when I ask where the rest of something is knowing that he ate it all.
So last night after cleaning up the kitchen from dinner, I put all the candy and chips and anything shelf stable, in a different place where he wouldn’t find them. He went ballistic after I went to bed that all the “good” food was gone (even though I had just cooked a nice dinner). I told him “welcome to my world” as this is constantly happening when I go to have anything that’s been purchased! He said I was treating him like a child and I said he was acting like one. I don’t care that he indulges but to literally finish off every bit of something that’s been bought for us both to enjoy is getting really old. It’s not a weight thing or a money thing- I just want him to leave maybe one portion for me or maybe we can enjoy together! So until he can show some will power, I told him I won’t be keeping any junk food around for him to gorge on unless it’s something he’s purchased from his own account.
Part of me thinks this is just funny, which is why I might be the AH- but I just think he needs to figure out how to share, figure out how not to consume the entire lot in one sitting, or figure out how to buy his own treats.
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He’s been inconsiderate and knows it. He doesn’t replace things or even say sorry. The behavior continues. He’s the AH here. Even one shred of trying to replace it or say he’s sorry for taking all of it even one time would leave me leaning but that doesn’t exist. He knows what he did and does not care. You quit enabling him and he got mad. He is acting like a child. He can buy his own sweets if he can’t share and I don’t know how he’s in a relationship if he acts like that. He needs to learn to share or replace what he takes if he must have it all. It’s quite simple. That’s the adult world. It’s how that works when you live with others.
