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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Forever_Alone_5594 on 2023-07-19 11:03:51.

I, 29 female, am the youngest of 4 children in my family. My oldest brother, 37, has decided to propose to his girlfriend and straight away they decided they were going to go on a cruise to get married. They usually do cruises so this wasn’t abnormal for them. They invited my parents, other siblings and myself, along with her family. Each person was to pay their own way.

After long discussions, I explained to my parents that I had 2 reasons that I couldnt/didn’t want to go. Reason 1, I live alone and don’t have that kind of money. I don’t have a partner, so everything I pay for is out of my own wage. The total for myself to go would be close to $3000, and I was told there would be no help from family to pay for it.

Reason 2, my brother’s girlfriend and family had made death threats towards me a year ago and I haven’t spoken to them since. A year ago my brother’s girlfriend accused me of talking bad about her, so she went to Facebook and wrote a status which her “friends” and family commented with death threats toward me. I’ve never gotten an apology, even after the truth that I hadn’t done what I was being accused of came out. All I got from my brother was, “she will never apologise, even when she hurts me she will never admit she is wrong, just move on”.

My parents are on my side of this and they don’t like her family, so now they have decided they aren’t going to the wedding/cruise either. My sister has started planning to go and has accused me and my parents of being rude and disloyal towards my brother for saying we aren’t going. My sister won’t listen when I explain I would be uncomfortable if her family were to start anything like they did a year ago with me and I wouldn’t want to ruin their time or waste my money if I got upset and spent all my time in the room on the boat.

I’ve only told my brother that I can’t afford the cruise so that’s why I won’t be going, I’ve left out the issues I have with his girlfriend’s family as to not upset him. The cruise is a year away, so I am still debating on whether I can swing the money to go, but without my parents there I feel like I would be ganged up on if anything were to be said or happen. I’m also a bit upset because the date they have chosen is my birthday, my 30th birthday, and yes a cruise would be nice to celebrate but as my family have stated, “nothing would be about me, it’s only a birthday, nothing would be celebrated for me”.