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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/son_of_azar on 2023-07-27 07:29:23.

I (M30) have a sister (32) who has kidney failure due to her autoimmune. Unfortunately, this condition has just been found out around late 2021, and my sister loved the things that ruined her kidney. By the mid of 2022 her doctor told her that she need to do kidney transplant, I volunteered myself since I’m the only one that match. The scheduled operation had to be put on hold though, until the latter half of 2023 because the conditioning for my sister and I need to lose weight about 20 kg/44 lbs

Around that time, I met my soon to be fiancé (F currently 29), we met through mutual friend. At that time when we were first met, my fiancé was going through a divorce, and actually our mutual friend tried for me and her to hook up. Nothing happened because she was still processing the divorce and did not want any relationship before finalizing it. I was okay with that and we remain friends. Skip to mid 2022 she finalized her divorce and we started dating, before you asked, we started dating after I volunteered to donate my kidney to my sister. Through some stupidity on my part, since in my mind it was something that I’ve decided before we started dating, therefore not something that I should disclosed to my partner, and especially because for me it was given that I would be the donor. However, I did tell my fiancé about my sister condition even before we started dating

Long story short I proposed to her last month and she accepted, last week when we had dinner she asked the reason of my weight loss (I lost 23 kg/50 lbs). I told her that I did it because I will be the donor for my sister, she was perplexed to say the least, as she then stop eating & started pour more wine into her glass and finished the bottle and I thought “oh shit”. She was furious because I never bothered to tell her, I told her that I presume she would realized that I would be the donor, and she said, still, something like that supposed to need an approval from her, as my fiancé, I said “sorry but the decision was made even before we started dating” and then she asked why I never bothered told her then? Panicked, I told her “Does it really matter? I would still give my kidney to my sister anyway". She left immediately and I was left in the restaurant. She didn’t come back to our apartment, and texted me that I was being an asshole with my answer & attitude on the situation, she asked me to reflect on what I did and realized this kind of decision has to be made with the partner approval even if it was made before the relationship

Now she said that she need her time alone and asked me to give both of us space and I agreed, we haven’t talked about this to anyone because we want to keep it to ourselves, especially since mine and her circle are so close to my sister and we don’t want her to know about this. So reddit, am I the asshole?