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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Roasted-question on 2023-07-27 15:23:22.

Anonymous Account: My best friend got engaged last year and they are doing an international wedding so they were very on top of it with securing a wedding date and sending out the save the dates. I received mine a couple of months ago and accepted being a groomsman about a month ago. I’m super stoked to be there for there for him and the wedding will also be a vacation for my fiancé and I.

My little brother also got engaged last year and they have been planning a wedding but not sharing many details with family. My mom, my aunt, and myself told him multiple times that I would be unavailable the weekend of my best friends wedding. To not leave any confusion he was told the exact date multiple times. Well we all recently got the save the date cards from my little brother and it’s the same date as my best friends wedding. When my mom opened up the card in front of him her heart dropped and she said “what about your brother” to which he replied “oh he will figure it out”.

Turns out he never told his fiancé about this date so she has been planning without knowing this. Now he is claiming that he forgot about multiple people telling him multiple times and is pushing the line that since he is family I should bail on the other wedding and go to his. I tried to look into even making both work because I genuinely want to be at my brother’s wedding. I’m not not going out of spite or because I have a random trip, concert tickets, or it’s someone’s wedding I’m just going to. This is my best friends wedding that I’ve known for over 25 years. When I told my brother I couldn’t make it he gave me the line of “but I’m your brother” which really sucked to hear. If I could be at both I would be and I’m sure he is sad but I just can’t be there.

This has caused more drama in the family than I want. His future FIL called my mom and said that I should skip my friends wedding and go to the family wedding because family comes first. My mom, myself, and my aunt all disagree. He was told multiple times by multiple people and whether it’s because he messed up by not telling his fiancé or that he forgot it apparently was not important enough to him to have me there so he picked one of the two weekends all next year I said I couldn’t be at. The family wants him to change the date of the wedding and I have told him to just go through with it and have a great wedding and that I’m sorry I can’t be there. So AITA for keeping a commitment to my best friend and not wavering on it because of a family members disregard?

Edit: Wanted to clarify something after someone asked for info. We did not directly tell his fiancé. She is generally a recluse and hasn’t been communicating with myself, my mom, or my aunt about the wedding just doing her own thing. We just assumed my brother would tell her. Now in hindsight we should’ve just told her.