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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Dense-Entrance7881 on 2023-07-27 22:43:34.

I (30F) was engaged to Anthony (32M) 4 years ago. Our relationship ended for a number of reasons but we had been together since high school. We did not have the best ending and there was a lot of hurt. I moved across the country when I moved out of our shared home. We cut contact following our split and have remained no contact ever since. We have mutual friends still so I occasionally receive updates about his life and I am sure he receives the same.

5 years ago, Anthony’s mother, Liz passed away after a long illness and because we were engaged, Liz had given me a letter and a wrapped gift that she wanted me to give to Anthony on our wedding day. It was not specific to our wedding day but since she knew she would not be there she decided I should be the one to do it. She asked me to just keep it between us (she did not want her ex-husband or other kids to know). 8 months later when we actually called off the wedding, I had forgotten about these items as I had stored them in my childhood bedroom for safekeeping, and in the midst of moving across the country, I left the items behind which I am aware was careless.

Fast forward to now and I recently learned that Anthony is engaged to Beth (30s) and my first thought was that I am really happy for them and wish them all the best. I then was thinking about our canceled wedding and his mom. I really loved her like a second mom and I was struck with the sinking feeling that I still had the letter and gift from her and that I had never returned it to the family. I then remembered Liz asking me not to share it with her other children or ex-husband and while I was unsure of the exact reason, I think it is because she had done the same for her other children but I am not sure who is holding on to their letters and gifts.

I brought it up to my husband and explained how guilty I felt about still having these things and I just did not know what to do. Together we talked through all the different options I could have called him but felt it would ruin the surprise on the actual wedding day which is what his mom wanted. I could have contacted a sibling but then I feel like it would have ruined their surprise since they are not married yet. I thought about relatives but I just don’t know who

I settled on Beth. It just felt right that Liz wanted it to come from his soon-to-be wife. I reached out to her via social media DM and wrote her an extensive letter detailing what I have stated above. I told her she could do with this information what she wanted but that would be in my hometown next month and would love to get these items to her.

Apparently, this was the wrong thing to do. She told Anthony about this my message and he is pissed that I reached out to her. He says I have no business contacting his fiancé. I am torn now because I was honestly trying to honor his mother’s wishes and return the items to their rightful owner. I really felt like I was doing the right thing for everyone.