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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2024-06-05 04:00:05+00:00.
I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/No-Taro-7338
Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest + r/relationship_advice + r/AmItheAsshole
I just found out that my husband of 10 years has never loved me
Previous BoRU #1 posted by u/Big-Experience-3640 + BoRU #2 posted by u/Longjumping-Rub-8611
Trigger Warnings: possible financial abuse, property damage, abuse, emotional abuse, hostile workplace, exploitation, physical violence, major medical issues
Original Post: May 3, 2022
My whole world is crashing right now. I never thought that this could happen to me. I am deeply in love with my husband and I thought he loved me too.
My husband Sam and I met after college at a book club. We fell in love and married a year later right out of college. I honestly though that my life was a dream come true. He was kind and silly and he made me feel loved.
I found out last week that my husband never loved me. I overheard Sam talking to his friend on FT when he thought I couldn’t hear. His friend was congratulating Sam on bagging me, because “I’m loaded”. That’s not true. Though I make a decent living and my parents recently had some success in their business abroad, I don’t make nearly enough to be considered wealthy, perhaps upper middle class at best. It’s not like I can quit my job tomorrow and be set for life. I’m a financial analyst and make $300K working 70 hours a week. Sam is a customer service advisor for a bank and makes $50K working 35 hours a week.
Edit: Yes, I was in investment banking out of college. Sam has had this job for 4 months. He has a spotty work history due to not getting along with his bosses.
Sam then said that all his planning paid off and he’d live the easy life. His friend added that he couldn’t imagine being married to me, waking up to my face. I’ve never been very attractive, I’m very skinny and have a thin face and a wide nose, but Sam made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. Sam just laughed and said “it’s easy when you have the mindset.” I pretended I didn’t hear and went back upstairs and just lied in bed.
I’ve been sleeping on the couch with the excuse of working late and not disturbing him. Every time, I’ve woken up in our bed with him cuddling me. I don’t feel loved. I feel used. I don’t know what to do.
Comments
OOP on if she had a prenup with her husband
We don’t have a prenup. I regret it.
OOP on why their earnings are not enough to live comfortable in their area
I know it’s far more than most Americans, but it’s not enough for someone to lie for 10 years about. He could have found anyone else.
It’s definitely not enough to be truly wealthy, just comfortable. If he wanted to bag someone could he have not found someone else? He didn’t have to lie to me and say he loved me . It is comfortable. Just not wealthy. When I think of wealthy, I think of people who don’t have to work for a living.
I have serious medical conditions that cost a lot of money, partially exacerbated by my work life. I used to work 80-100 hour weeks. Plus, I had been paying off my husband’s student loans of $80,000 as well as our mortgage. I do not have student loans because I (thankfully) earned a scholarship.
I grew up in poverty on food stamps and I’m terrified of going back to that life.
Edit: and his credit card debt
OOP responded to multiple redditors telling her to divorce her husband as he was using her
I have honestly resigned myself to a life alone if I do divorce my husband. No one has expressed any interest in me. The only time I was asked out was as a joke.
I had a friend in college who shared my interests and my hobbies and was fun. I was in love with him. I was short and very skinny and he was my height and quite chunky and we had a in group nickname based on that. When our friends would say we looked like a couple he would make gagging noises and say it’s disgusting but in a joking way. when I got the courage to ask him out, he laughed himself sick.
Edit: I am unattractive and have serious health conditions. I am statistically unlikely to find another husband. It’s alright. I’d rather be alone than with someone who doesn’t love me.
OOP on how she got a job at 19 and earning so much
I graduated at 19 and had a very well paying job. To the tune of 6 figures. I grew up in poverty on food stamps so this was a dream for me. My parents only very recently had success with their business back in their home country. We are immigrants.
Sam was kind of broke because of bad financial habits. he had been financially cut off from his parents who were middle class. He had $80000 of student loans (I’ve paid off over half) and $20,000 of credit card debt (which I’ve also paid off)
OOP on an example when she overheard her husband’s conversation with his friend
Sam and his friend were talking about an upcoming trip to Prague we were going to book. I was paying for it. That was what sparked the whole conversation on “bagging a free ride”
He laughed when his friend said those hurtful, but accurate things about my appearance. His friend made more comments on how Sam could stand to wake up to me.
I was also hurt because his friend had always been very nice to me before.
It would have been nice if Sam said he stayed with me for something other than my salary. For him, I’m apparently an easy grift. . You’re probably right. My husband insists that the conversation never happened, he never said anything, and that I was hallucinating due to stress.
I felt hurt because I thought the friend was a nice person. He had been quite kind and welcoming before. Though I am not attractive, there was no need to insult me like that if I heard correctly.
They were talking about our upcoming trip to Czechia in 2023 which I am paying for. That was how the conversation started.
Update: May 6, 2022
Last night I came home late and my husband was waiting for me. He had been blowing up my phone for the entire day, spamming me with accusing, but not untrue messages. The conversation did not go well…He accused me of avoiding him, which was true. I just couldn’t look at him. I used work as an excuse. He said I was withholding affection from him. He also accused me of being unfaithful to him, which was never true. I have a new coworker who just started approximately two weeks ago and Sam was convinced I was having an affair with them. I told him I didn’t even know that coworker. How could I have an affair?
I finally told him about what I overheard and how hurt I was. His response was to deny ever having that conversation and deny ever saying anything. He told me I probably misheard something or hallucinated due to stress.
I received several very helpful messages about a post my husband might have made. Though some of the details don’t match up, most of it do (our salaries, the time we’ve been married, the couch thing) and I asked him if he wrote the reddit post. He told me he doesn’t do reddit but didn’t outright deny making the post and asked me what I was doing on my phone all day for the past few days, which was reading all your messages on this throwaway. I told him that and he looked incredibly upset.
I told him that what he did really hurt me and he still insisted it never happened. I asked him if he ever loved me and he said “Don’t be stupid, of course I do. You’re the one cheating on me.” I told him I never cheated on him. It felt like the conversation was going in circles.
I brought up the possibility of a postnup, and he scoffed and said he didn’t want to divorce. If I tried to divorce him, he had a right to a lot of alimony. That part is true. Our state has strong alimony rights for spouses with salary differences. He only had his job for a few months and it’s the highest paying one he has had. He said “Who’s going to take care of you when you’re sick if you try to divorce me?”
I asked him if he ever lied to me or hid things from me and eventually he admitted that the way we met wasn’t an accident. He knew who I was and that I would be there and pretended to stumble into me as an excuse to make conversation. I demanded counseling as a first step and to my surprise he agreed.
At that point, I was getting a splitting headache- not a migraine, which I also get often. I went to bed and he gave me a glass of water and medicine and we just didn’t bring it up. I took today off work because I feel burnt out. I don’t feel like anything is resolved. Now I doubt myself and everything I heard. If I truly didn’t hear that, then I blew up my marriage for nothing. If he did say that and he’s capable of lying for 10 years, then why would I stay with him? At least we’re getting marriage counseling (and therapy for myself).
Excuse me for the numerous typos and grammatical errors. I’m exhausted.
[U…
Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1d8gu7w/i_just_found_out_that_my_husband_of_10_years_has/
Excuse me for the numerous typos and grammatical errors. I’m exhausted.
Update: My husband doesn’t love, my boss is threatening to fire me, and I got a citation from a police officer for sleeping in my car. (Wayback Machine: May 27, 2022
Background info: I overheard a conversation in which my husband essentially told his friend the reason he was with me was because I was his piggy bank- I make a lot more than he does and I do most of the chores. Sam also basically admitted he wasn’t attracted to me. I tried to talk to him based on the info I had and the suspicion that he had also made a Reddit post though he doesn’t use Reddit. Sam shut me down and told me the conversation with his friend never happened.
I’ve been waffling between writing this post and not, since I think my husband has been reading my posts. I’ve already deleted it twice. But he thinks Reddit is a waste of time and the outpouring of emotional support I get here outweighs him reading the thread.
We’ve had a few short, but devastating conversations since then. Based on Reddit advice, I tried to get evidence that he was with me for my money. After my husband reluctantly admitted that we didn’t meet on accident, I pushed and found out the reason he pursued me is that I’m “stable” and I would “do everything for him” and “never leave him.” His birth mother left when he was young, leaving his family very poor until his grandfather died. I feel sorry for him and understand why he did this, but there’s a small, selfish part of me that wonders why he chose me for this life. I thought I recorded him but nothing shows up in my phone. It doesn’t matter since we are an all party consent state.
Sometimes I wonder if I was blind. Sam is far more attractive than me (though my own preference tends to lie in the “unconventional”). I should have realized he is not attracted to me and that it was one sided love. I am not beautiful compared to other women and when I try to wear makeup or fashionable clothes, I can tell he is not impressed. I thought it was because he liked me better natural. My mother used to say a pig wearing makeup is uglier than a pig. I understand that now.
That’s partially the reason why I could not stand pretending everything was alright. My love language is touch. I constantly liked to hug him or hold his hand or stroke his back or pet his hair. Knowing that he only tolerates my touch horrifies me. I don’t want to be the source of someone’s discomfort. I am also ashamed of being so vulnerable, knowing that he hates who I am and the way I look, knowing that he has seen me in my most vulnerable moments. I don’t want to be a burden. After one night where I locked myself in the bathroom and slept in the bathtub, he hasn’t been moving me from the couch. I think the reason he moved me is to pretend our life hadn’t changed rather than any real concern for me. That’s why he complained about me withholding affection.
I went back to work and continued the routine I had done for a few weeks, working as much as possible until I had to go home. I cried a lot at work.
I passed out at work one day and when I woke up my boss told me to go home. He was angry. I tried to drive home, but I still felt woozy so I parked in a car and fell asleep. I was awoken by a police officer who gave me a warning for sleeping in a car. Apparently, that’s a red flag for DUIs. I drove home and Sam was furious. He somehow had known that I was sent home early. He demanded to know who I was with. I told him the truth.
Sam has been sweet to me since. He hasn’t taken off work and he only does about an hour of real work a day, which strangely makes me envious of my own husband. Sam has been making sure I rest, making all our meals, and doing the chores. My work has demanded that I take off at least two more weeks of sick leave since my episode at the office. However, they are also simultaneously making me do work, and implied that my performance bonus will be impacted by my “stunt”
If I divorce my husband, the consequences will be beyond me losing the love of my life. My parents will cut me off from our family. They will not let me see my grandparents ever, who are in very delicate health. My grandparents raised me as a child when I was sent back to live with them in our home country. My family would not be surprised if Sam divorces me. My parents even told me at our wedding that he will leave me and that I should have married the man they arranged, who wanted me for my citizenship. I will not have any support.
In a feverish state, I once offered to give him all of my savings and pay alimony for life if he filed for divorce and he told me to shut up and sleep. I don’t know what conditions I can set for the divorce. I’m losing my husband, I’m losing my grandparents, maybe even my job. What do I do?
Comments
OOP on her grandparents’ views on divorce
My grandparents were in an arranged marriage. Divorce is stigmatized and they are not very open to the idea at all. They do want what’s best for me, but what they think is best is, at best, 30 years behind the times. I am eternally grateful that they took care of me and loved me, and I would be devastated if my parents cut me off from them.
OOP on the possibility of hallucinating her husband’s comments towards her
I did not hallucinate anything or have a psychotic break.
Initially my husband denied everything, included the phone call. The first thing he admitted that we didn’t meet on accident. He had known who I was somehow and had pursued me. Then, he admitted that he wasn’t attracted to me. He also admitted that the reason he pursued me and the reason he is still married to me is that
Update (Wayback Machine): May 29, 2022
Before marriage counseling, I found out husband hid that he had Borderline Personality Disorder
My husband Sam and I agreed to marriage counseling to see if we could save our marriage. This is an out of pocket expense. Before we could go to our first session, we had to fill out several forms and questionnaires. One question asked about any diagnoses we had. My husband revealed that he had been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Relationship Obsessive Compulsive Disorder two years ago. I knew he went to a psychiatrist/neuropsychologist but he just said they found nothing and there was nothing wrong with him.
I was shocked because he never told me. When I asked why he would hide this from me, he said that it was his medical history and I couldn’t leave him for something not under his control. Sam is not in therapy. Obviously, I would have supported him and gotten the help he needed.
Ever since this came out, Sam has been saying that if I divorce him, I’m abandoning him and that it would be proof I never loved him or care about him. That’s not true. I do love him. That’s why I’m doing this. If I divorce him and pay alimony, he’ll find someone he’s actually in love with. We’d both be happy.
Sam has not given me a moment of space but to be fair, I had a high fever a few days ago. Sam said he wants life to go back to normal “before all this happened and we were happy” but I don’t understand why he would want to continue to live a lie. I’m offering him a way out and he refuses. Is it because of his diagnoses?
How do we move forward from this? Is marriage counseling even worth it? Am I making a mistake?
Comments
OOP on her husband’s family background, if he came from a poor family
Thank you for your helpful response. Your friends should not have treated you like this. I think I feel hurt because my husband didn’t trust me with this information though we have been married for a decade. I would never have abandoned him and would have encouraged him to get DBT therapy or anything else that would help.
His birth mother left him as a child, leaving his family destitute until an inheritance from his grandfather. I think that is why he married me, because I represented stability-both financially and in our home life. Not love.
I do love him and I do care about him deeply but how can I tell him that I will always be there for him when we are heading for divorce? I would be lying to him. I will not be in his life.
We both deserve to be with someone we love. I’m not going to chain him to marriage because of his fear of financial instability. I’m not my father. I will pay alimony. His life will be the exact same-maybe even more money for a cleaner and meal prep- just with the ability to find someone he loves.
It’s hard to talk about marriage counseling and the possibility of divorce without him breaking down. I can’t bear to see him cry.
WIBTA if I replaced someone’s glass jar that she lent me without telling her? - June 1, 2022
I bought a glass jar of homemade fruit preserve at a farmer’s market. The seller, Mary (60s F) was a nice older lady that I’ve bought from before. Because we know each other, she gives me a discount if I bring back the empty jar since she saves money. She gave me a fancier glass jar than usual today because she ran out of the regular ones. I can’t return the jar. I found an identical jar at Target and I plan to give her that. The reason I don’t want to tell her is that she’s very kind but inquisitive and she’ll ask why I didn’t bring the original back, and she’ll say that I didn’t have to replace it, etc. I don’t want her to worry.
Verdict: Not the Asshole
Comments
OOP on why she could not return the jar to the seller
It was destroyed. My husband threw it and it shattered. There’s no way to put it back.
He’s a fan of fruit preserves so I got a new flavor I thought he would like to try. He was upset that I got him a gift so he threw it on the ground. He was apologetic but there’s no way to put it back together.
We have been going through a very rough patch. Apparently the gift was a reminder that no one will love him like I do. That was not my intention. I just thought he would like it.
I can’t honestly say it was an accident since my husband threw it on the ground on purpose.
I don’t feel like I deserve anything. My therapist says that’s a good thing. (Wayback Machine): June 7, 2022
I had my first therapy session ever on Saturday (a weekend online therapist who is licensed). When she asked what issues I wanted to resolve, one problem I told her was that I felt like I didn’t deserve anything in life. My therapist said that it wasn’t an issue, but a blessing since I can practice gratefulness. I am grateful for the smallest things, but intellectually I feel as though I should not be grateful for them. I feel like a doormat in my personal and professional life.
My work demands extremely long work hours. I remember the worst week I ever had in my career was 104 hours of work. I’m exhausted, but my boss relies on me and me only even though there are other members of the team. He says I’m his biggest asset, and I am grateful for being recognized. Yet, others have gotten promotions off the team and into more relaxed roles. I have not. I’ve worked here for years, and I’ve only taken 11 days off for vacation the entire time, not because I want to work, but because I’m “needed”
I had invasive wisdom teeth surgery on Thursday, and I got both an infection and dry socket over the weekend. We had a deal going through and and I went to work yesterday in pain with a fever because my boss demanded that I be there. I worked until 12:17am and didn’t eat anything since I was in so much pain.
I was supposed to uber back to my hotel (my husband and I are discussing divorce) but I pressed the wrong destination and went back to our house instead. I feel asleep in our front yard, where my husband found me. Luckily nothing happened to me, since I live in a relatively safe area. My husband is thrilled I came home. He pleaded with me to cancel the rest of the hotel stay and I caved in. I feel selfish for divorcing him and I feel selfish for staying. I don’t want to be like my father, using money to force someone to stay with them.
I got my dry sockets treated. I need someone to help me irrigate the holes since doing it myself caused the infection but I don’t know who to ask. No friends or family live nearby. I just haven’t been eating because I don’t want to get another infection.
Looking at this post, I feel so much self loathing. It’s filled with aggrandizing self pity. The price of my job is the loss of a personal life. Many people would be happy to be in my position, making as much money as I do. Many people would be thrilled to live my life, and have a home to come to and food in their stomachs. There’s no reason for me to be unhappy yet I am. And I know I should feel entitled to some things, but if my therapist says not being expectant is a good thing, then what is my problem? What is wrong with me?
Comments
OOP on why she thinks she doesn’t deserve anything
What I told my therapist was: “I struggle to believe that I deserve anything. Though I feel that people in general are entitled to things like love or happiness or rest, I feel like I do not. For some reason, I feel that other people’s needs are more important than my own. I’d like to gain these skills.” I wrote it out. I later mentioned how I wanted to take a health day, but my coworker wanted to take the day off, so I didn’t, because I felt that he deserved the day off. I wished I had the self confidence to still ask for the day, instead of thinking of my team’s needs. I’m not sure if it’s an issue of gratefulness or deserving or just self esteem.
My therapist said it was good that I feel like I deserve nothing, because I can practice
Why would my husband insinuate that there is abuse in our relationship to his friend?: July 17, 2022
My husband Sam and I have access to each others phones, computers, emails, etc. Normally, I don’t read my husband’s things, though I know he sometimes checks my messages and the like.
Today, he left his laptop open to his messages and I saw my name in a message alert from his friend who does not like me. I read more of the chat.
A few days ago Sam was arguing with his father over the phone. He was angrier than usual and gesticulating. I went to get something and when I was behind him, his fist accidentally hit my jaw. He apologized immediately and it was fine. I’ve had a couple of minor surgeries unrelated to this incident, so I don’t look great. I can see why someone would be concerned. My new friends and my therapist were very concerned too when they saw me but when I explained, they understood.
Sam’s friend saw me yesterday for a minute. In the chat, he asked Sam why I had a “messed up face” and Sam said it was fine and not interfere in our marriage. The friend was telling Sam that he should leave me and it was all right if we divorced because there were a lot of women who wanted him. The last message said “u can’t hit ur wife bc she wants a divorce. ust take the check and go.” Throughout the entire conversation Sam never told his friend it was an accident. He just said that I was his wife and it was not his friend’s business.
I feel awful for violating his privacy, and I will tell him, but I’m also confused why he would say this and not clarify the accident.
Additional Information from OOP on why she was not divorced yet
I don’t know. I’m just deeply exhausted by it all. Separating, disentangling finances, surgeries, regressions, breaking from my job, stress. It was all overwhelming. My wonderful therapist has told me to break down my problems into simple steps and if I’m too exhausted to act, to just let it be for now and gather up my strength for the next thing.
I just had an abdominal hysterectomy and right now recovery is my next hurdle. I’m in pain but I’m hopeful.
My husband has been doing everything around the house. I can’t lift most things and it hurts to be too active. He works. He cleans. He has learned to cook some surprisingly complex meals that I like. He irrigates my sockets because they haven’t fully healed and I can’t see properly. That was how I got an infection. He helps me shower.
While he does things like this, it makes me feel guilty for wanting to divorce him. It makes me think he blames himself for accidents like in the post. That he does love me. But then I remember the fact that he doesn’t have any photos of me on his phone and that he admitted he didn’t love me at first and other silly things and I just wonder why we can’t live apart happily.
OOP on Sam’s friend mentioned in the post is the same person who was on FT
Yes, it is the same friend. My husband has a circle of childhood friends. I know a few dislike me. One of them has told me that she wished my husband had married a mutual friend of theirs instead of me. I do feel like an intruder in their friendship circle.
I’m happy to say that, now that I’m on leave from work and unlikely to return, my coworkers have grown into close friends. It makes me kind of sad that I chose to work from home a lot, missing out on the closeness they have demonstrated.
We did start marriage counseling. Our marriage counselor is wonderful, as is my therapist. My husband has started DBT therapy but he hates it. Our counselor says one of our root problems is the way we define ourselves. I see myself for what I can provide people- I am a hard worker, I am efficient, I cook, I clean, I can do this or that- rather than what I am intrinsically. My husband defines himself on what he loves and hates, his interests and disinterests.
AITA for doing things by myself at an amusement park: August 2, 2022
Last weekend, my (32F) husband Sam (32M) and a few of his friends and spouses arranged to go to an amusement park. I am not a huge fan of loud, hot, crowded places. I find it overwhelming. Moreover, I could not go on the thrill rides as I recently had surgery and have very high blood pressure. Sam convinced me to go to connect with his friends.
When we came, their itinerary was a tight schedule of all thrill rides. The first ride was a rollercoaster. I was in line as a placeholder for a person. One friend, Jake, collected everyone’s phones and put it in his bag. I tried to tell him that I couldn’t go on the ride, but it seems I was unclear. I didn’t want to make a fuss for this one ride so I gave him my phone. When the person returned, I got out of line and waited at one of the two exits as they would meet me there.
After waiting for 40min, I realized they must have gone to the other exit and left without me. I checked the other nearby rides but I couldn’t find them. I went to a first aid station, and I called my phone and then my husband but he didn’t pick up.
At first I tried to stay in the area, but it was high traffic, loud, and very hot. I still had my pass and cash with me. I found a quieter, shaded area, bought lunch, met a very nice elderly couple who showed me a few spots, won a plushie and a blanket from a vending machine, and had dinner. I had fun.
There was an announcement that the park would close in half an hour. I decided I would go to our parked car to wait for the group. 30min later, one of Sam’s friends, Nancy, found me next to the car and dragged me to the others. They were furious because they had been frantically looking for me for the last half an hour.
Update: There is not much of an update. Sam and I talked it out at home and in marriage counseling and came to a sort of understanding. I feel I was less than charitable to him, likely because I felt hurt that he left me.
This is how the day went.
Jake gathered everyone’s loose items including phones, wallets, hats, etc. in his bag and put it in a locker. I made a mistake and put my phone in his bag since I didn’t want to hold them up. A bit later, I crossed over to the exit line, walked down, and waited at the exit. They were supposed to meet me there.
My husband’s group got split. Sam rode in the second half and heard from his friend that the first group didn’t want to do another thrill ride. They slipped back to the entrance with the lockers instead of going to the exit. When I wasn’t at the lockers he thought I left with the first group without waiting for him.
He was hurt and decided not to contact me until I contacted him. He thought if I loved him, I would contact him.
Meanwhile, I was waiting at the exit. I realized that Sam had already left when I saw the same people exit twice, meaning they rode the coaster, waited in line again, and rode the again. This was approx 40 minutes after the 25 wait time the line stated.
I went to the first aid station and called him. I made a mistake. I forgot he doesn’t respond/call back unknown numbers because of scams.
Sam’s friends got back together and split throughout the day. He was upset when I wasn’t with any group because he thought I left them too and I hadn’t tried to contact him.
When the park announced the closing, he was worried. He and his friends called my phone. They dug through Jake’s backpack and saw that my phone was there and it was dead. Sam found out no one had seen me since the first ride. He called back the unknown number and it was the first aid station who confirmed I was there.
Our marriage counselor said I was passive and lacked boundaries. I should have said no to the entire idea. I agree with her. I’m working on me with my therapist.
She said that Sam was so willing to believe I left him and his desire to test if I still loved him that he left me in a dangerous situation. His therapist said he defines himself by the love I give him, which is unhealthy.
Sam apologized the entire time. He feels guilty. He mopes around the house. I gave him the plushie I won and it only made him happy for a few minutes. I think I made it worse. He constantly checks my hand to see if I’m still wearing my rings.
Verdict: Not the Asshole
OOP responds on several questions regarding waiting for her husband and his friends
Giving up my phone was my fault, I agree. Jake told me to put my phone in his bag, I told him I wasn’t going on this ride, but I don’t think I made it clear to him. He told me to put my phone in again and there were others with their phones out waiting to put theirs in, so I put mine in to not create a fuss. I thought that since we agreed to meet up at the exit, it would be fine if I didn’t have my phone. Unfortunately, my phone was on mute as well. I should have not done so . We arrived there in the morning. There are a long lines for the most anticipated thrill rides.
I only had an abdominal hysterectomy so while I can’t lift heavy things or walk a lot, I’m mostly fine.
Edit: the surgery was almost two weeks ago . I can’t blame my husband too much. He was excited to be with his friends. Almost always, I’m not there when he is with them so I can see how he genuinely forgot I was there at the start.
This was supposed to be a way for me to bond with his friends, since his therapist says he puts barriers between certain aspects of his life, but it fell by the wayside since I can’t actually go on most of the rides they planned.
They were searching in the park for me. I suppose they could have made an announcement. When my husband called the number I used back, it was the general first aid center in the park, which apparently made them think I could have been sick. . They just genuinely forgot I was there. It was a large group that frequently hang out together and I don’t go on these sorts of outings so it makes sense. . Yes, I feel bad because they did seem worried and angry. 30 minutes is a long time to be looking for someone in a big park. They didn’t sign up to form a search and rescue, just have fun in the park.
My husband was having fun with his friends. He tracks my phone location so I assume he wasn’t concerned until they realized that I didn’t have my phone and there was no way to track me down.
Anyone else experience wound dehiscence? - September 27, 2022
I had an abdominal hysterectomy. Due to poor personal choices, my wound opened back up and plus I got a horrible infection. I had to get another surgery 2.5 weeks after my initial one to fix the damage I caused. It’s been several weeks but I’m still in a lot of pain.
Comments
OOP on if she has finally divorced her husband and having her family taking care of her
I am alright. I got a postnup. My grandmother got very sick so I went back alone to my home country. An unofficial separation. She didn’t make it. I still feel like my heart has been ripped out. I was in both physical and emotional pain. My husband had a severe breakdown and was hospitalized because I wasn’t there. His family and friends begged me to come back so I did. I couldn’t go back to work. I stay at home. he takes care of me.
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP
Wow OP struggles are horrendous. Can’t even start to write up how I feel about all this. Women needs a reset on everything. Like all of it.
Wow OP struggles are horrendous. Can’t even start to write up how I feel about all this. Women needs a reset on everything. Like all of it.
