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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Comfortable_Egg_3921 on 2023-06-27 01:59:31+00:00.

I’m in my third trimester of pregnancy, first kid. My husband wanted to travel to visit his friends and family, knowing that once baby comes, he probably won’t be able to see them for awhile. He is taking some summer courses to get an advanced degree, but had a weeklong break between classes. I said okay, knowing I wouldn’t be able to go with because of how busy I am at work (if my doctor would even sign off on me traveling).

He had a great time there, but had a miserable time traveling home for reasons outside of his control. He got home early yesterday (when he was supposed to be back late the night before) and was exhausted. He slept most of the day, got up, did some homework and played video games for a few hours, and then went back to bed.

Which brings us to today. He had class from 9-3. We had a meeting with a birth coach at 6, and the meeting lasted about two hours. Immediately after the meeting, he turned to me and said “great, now I’m not going to have time to do anything tonight.”

This isn’t the first time he’s said something like this after something birth/pregnancy related I’ve asked him to do with me (and I haven’t even asked him to come to my doctor appointments with me, so I don’t think I’m asking for that much). I told him that when he says that, it makes me feel like this pregnancy is some big burden and inconvenience to him, when in reality I’m doing all the heavy lifting. He said no, he just hasn’t had any time for himself. I reminded him that neither had I - I worked all day and didn’t have a three-hour break between the end of my day and the birth meeting like he did. And I also didn’t just come off of spending a week chilling with my friends and family, playing games and having fun. He replied that that didn’t count as time for himself and it was exhausting. My response was that if it was so exhausting, he shouldn’t have gone or should have gone for a shorter period of time so he could have relaxed at home during his break. He got really angry and left. AITA?

UPDATE: husband came home and we had a long heart to heart. Apparently the trip was stressful for reasons other than just the travel (his mom thinks we’re going to be terrible parents and he had to spend most of the time fending her off, so his nerves are frayed-they have a complicated relationship that I thought was fine now, but evidently not). He didn’t want to tell me about the issues with his mom because he was worried the things she was saying would hurt my feelings (he wasn’t wrong). So he got frustrated that I thought he was off having fun when he was actually having a hellish week. But he apologized because he realized there’s no way I would have known that without him telling me.

I told him I wanted to feel like we’re a team and we’re not communicating well with each other. And that we’re also going to be tired when baby comes, but that doesn’t mean we can shut down on each other. He agreed but also pointed out that he thinks baby exhaustion will be different than exhaustion from his mother. Hopefully he’s right.

I feel kind of dumb for posting now because this was all a miscommunication, but it was so unlike my husband to just storm off on me that I thought I must have done something wrong. So thanks everyone for your insights.