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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Expensive-Lime69 on 2023-07-28 14:14:46.

I want to clarify that my friend, let’s call her A, doesn’t drink, not because of any trauma or health conditions, but simply because she doesn’t like the taste and how it makes her feel. While she did drink a bit between ages 21 and 23, she never overdid it and eventually decided it wasn’t for her.

Our friend group is now in our late 20s and early 30s, and A is the only one who abstains from drinking. That’s totally fine with all of us, and we meet up as a group once a month for planned activities followed by dinner at a restaurant or someone’s house.

When we go to a restaurant, A never orders alcohol, which is perfectly okay. However, I’ve noticed that when everyone else has a few drinks, she seems a bit out of place. She becomes quieter and doesn’t laugh much, and I admit I’ve felt judged by her in those moments.

Lately, A has been excusing herself earlier than the rest of us, explaining that she feels uncomfortable when people are tipsy, and she doesn’t want anyone to worry about her. While I understand her feelings, I’ve noticed that some others in the group have started to drink less or delay drinking until she leaves, even though she never asked them to do so. It’s almost like her presence unintentionally influences them to stay sober.

Additionally, I’ve observed that when A isn’t around, we tend to have a lot more fun. We can go dancing, have a few drinks, and not worry about being judged. Having that freedom is really refreshing, and I admit, I’ve started hoping that she wouldn’t be present in such situations.

Now, with my wedding approaching, I had a talk with A about it. I wanted everyone to have a blast at the wedding, and I know she feels uncomfortable around drunk people. I also noticed that others tend to adjust their drinking habits when she’s around. So, I gently suggested that it might be better for her to sit this one out, so she wouldn’t feel out of place and people wouldn’t feel the need to limit their enjoyment on her account.

Surprisingly, A took it well and understood my perspective. However, I decided not to tell the rest of our friends about the situation to avoid drama. But apparently A has tattled to the rest of the group. Now, i am being told that my decision is messed up and that I’m an asshole for not inviting her.

I also learned that apparent As feelings were hurt. But she told me she’s fine so how should I have known that.

I’m feeling quite confused because all I wanted was for my friends to enjoy the wedding day without any worries. I didn’t mean to hurt A’s feelings, and I genuinely thought it was the best solution for everyone.