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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/WholePizza2023 on 2023-07-28 19:43:05.

Hey all. I (29m) am living with the mother (Jane 27f) of my almost 2-year-old child. Things are never going to work out for us romantically. However, she continues to live with me until she is able to afford to live on her own and until I can afford childcare. She works on the weekends and is a SAHM. I make sure to pull my parenting weight and appreciate all she does for our son. I work full-time. We get along fine but recently I have gotten very frustrated with her.

I cook most of our dinners and pay for about 75% of the groceries. One of the responsibilities she has insisted on keeping was grocery shopping because it gets her out of the house. But then she wouldn’t make herself a list, get overwhelmed, and either buy way too much or way too little so I started making her lists about a month ago. There are a couple of issues.

If I make her a list of 30 items she’ll get maybe 10 items on it and then 20 other random things. I recently started counting how many items she misses and she gets mad at me for this and accuses me of “keeping score” which our old therapist said not to do. She says she gets confused, can’t find what I put on the list, or just decides to do her own thing, which is the second issue.

I don’t have celiac disease, we’re still trying to figure out what’s wrong, but when I eat wheat/gluten I end up with pretty bad stomach aches, migraines, and hives, all of which are miserable to go to work with. She doesn’t take the time to get the items I put on the list and will make substitutions. Then when she cooks a meal I find out later that she used something with wheat/gluten and I wind up sick for two days. This has happened multiple times.

My solution was to begin doing the grocery shopping myself after work twice a week which causes me to get home an hour or so later than normal. She’s now calling me an AH because this is cutting into her self-care time in the evenings which is true, but my argument is that this could all be avoided if she’d just follow the damn lists or not be clueless and flippant when buying ingredients/making meals.

AITA?