This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throweoijeiowfjeaway on 2023-07-29 02:50:12.

I (50sM) live in Canada, but received a job offer in Europe. I don’t want to say which country due to privacy, but needless to say it’s a big move. This is especially a big deal for me because I haven’t been able to find a permanent job in my field for more than ten years. Not taking this job is just not an option for me.

I recently married my wife (also in her 50s) and she’s going to be moving with me to Europe. Both of us have children from a previous marriage who won’t be moving with us. My children have always lived with their mother and aren’t really affected by my move because they’re used to me living far away due to work.

My wife’s daughter, however, is 18 and just went off to college. She has a massive anxiety disorder (especially concerning COVID) and she’s always calling my wife to complain about her anxieties. My wife is really worried about telling her about the move because she almost certainly won’t take it well (on top of her mom moving she’s never liked me in the first place).

I think that we should just move and tell her after we’ve already left. Her daughter is 18, living on her own at college, and should be old enough to deal with it. I don’t want her to get upset and delay everything. I think that once she sees that her mother is moved and is happy in her new country it’ll be easier for her to accept it and she won’t put up a fuss. My wife is more on the fence about it, but after explaining my reasoning she’s coming around to the idea.

The problem is with my daughter (17f). I’ve been staying at my ex-wife’s apartment (I know it’s a strange arrangement, but I’ve lived with her on and off after the divorce due to my job situation) and my kids of course there too. I like to talk with my wife via video call each evening, and last night we were talking about the move and her worries about how her daughter is going to take it.

After I hung up last night, my daughter came up to me and said that what I’m doing is extremely messed up, and that my wife absolutely should tell her daughter she’s moving before it happens. I got mad at her for eavesdropping, to which she said that that we live in an apartment and with how loud my speaking voice is she has to listen to me talk whether she wants to or not. I conceded that that’s true, but she still has no right to give me advice on my relationship and especially not using information she wasn’t even supposed to overhear.

My daughter called me an asshole and went back to her room to sulk. She’s been ignoring me all day today. Reddit, I need to know, am I the asshole?