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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Maleficent-Jaguar776 on 2023-07-29 14:45:33.

My girlfriend (23 and 25) and I have been together for almost two years now. Back in May, she got a new, good paying job and we signed a lease together for an apartment that I just moved into about three weeks ago.

When we originally signed the lease, we agreed that I would move in in July when the apartment came available and she would move in in November after having some time to live at home and save up some money. This will be her first time ever living out of her house, which she is very attached to as she’s lived there her whole life and has a very close relationship with her mom. Her dad died in high school so her and her mom are VERY close.

I had no problem with her waiting until November to move in. We agreed on that. Since then, she has been spending a lot more time at her house instead of time with me. She only stays at the apartment once or twice a week. She claims she is soaking up her final moments in the house she was raised in before she finally becomes an adult and moves out. Since we signed the lease, we have spent a lot less time together as she “soaks up these last moments at home.” I’ve communicated that I wish we still spent more time together and I wish that she wanted to spend the night more often and start making this place feel like home. She always disagrees.

Obviously I’m paying the rent alone for the next few months since i’m the only one living here. The actual issue is that when shes here and we have people over, she refers to the apartment as “our” place. When I put something in a place she doesn’t like (like putting a cleaner under the wrong sink) she claims this is her home too because her name is on the lease and she will be moving in soon, so she should get a say in where things go. I guess I don’t see it as fair for her to call it our place, when I’ve communicated nicely that I wish she wanted to spend more time over here and she always shoots it down.

I told her this isn’t her place yet because she doesn’t pay for it yet, and she only spends one or two nights a week here. She doesn’t want to spend more time here because she wants to soak up her final moments at home with her mom, so I told her if that’s the case then she has no say in where I put things or how I do things here. I told her it’s my home and not hers yet.

She said this really hurt her feelings and makes her feel unwelcome here. Am I an asshole for telling her that?

Edit for additional context: Her mom is very excited for her to move out and to become an empty nester. She travels a lot and has made it really clear she’s ready for her kids to move out. So no pressure coming from moms end to stay home as much as possible.