What will happen if I am honest with my pediatrician? Can they force me in a hospital?

Lemmit.Online bot · 4 days ago

What will happen if I am honest with my pediatrician? Can they force me in a hospital?

@[email protected] · 3 days ago

Relevant Comments:

Commenter: Holy shit. Are you sure it was 1.4? I’ve never seen a potassium that low. Thank God you went to the ER. I’m glad you’re getting help! Pm me if you need anything

OOP: No im sorry I typed it wrong, I hit the 1 instead of the 2. It’s 2.4. I guess I’ve been drinking too much water and the medicine my mom was giving me so I wouldn’t get bloated makes potassium come out in my pee so it messed up the levels. The IV with potassium hurts a lot but they said I’ll feel better after

Commenter: Holy cow was she giving you furosemide?! That’s so dangerous

OOP: I’m not sure what it was, one was a blue oval and one was a white circle. She said it would help if I was retaining water or getting bloated and make my headaches better

Commenter: I’m so sorry that you’ve been subjected to this mistreatment by your mother, she shouldn’t have been giving you medications like that, i just researched more into it, I had no clue you could get diuretics like that over the counter I thought you typically needed a prescription. I think she gave you Diurex

OOP: That makes me wonder about the other stuff she would give me for headaches and stomachaches 🫤

Commenter: Hey OP, do you have siblings at home too that might be affected by this?

OOP: No, I’m an only child. My parents actually didn’t want kids 💀

Currently at the hospital:

That makes sense. Yesterday they had me only have clear things. I’ve had an iv in since I got here and later a dietician is supposed to come talk to me

One more thought from OP:

Thank you. I’m really scared but I feel kind of relieved too. I think I might actually even be able to fall asleep without weed for once

Next Day Comment (June 15)

Thank you. The longer I’m sitting here thinking about it, I feel so sad. I don’t understand why she would lie to me. I’m wondering what else she lied about and how I let myself believe all of it even when I started finding things that showed it wasn’t true. I should’ve known better but I wanted her to be an exception. I keep thinking about stuff like how she taught me to play piano. I thought she was a good mom. She played with me when I was a kid and she would sing to me when I was scared at night. She told me she just wanted to make sure I was the best version I could be so I wouldn’t have regrets

Update in Comments: June 16, 2024 (2 days after OG post)

Another update Sorry for talking so much. I hadn’t ever told anyone any of this until two days ago and now that I started talking I feel like I can’t shut up.

It’s been a really confusing couple of days. Once I’m medically stable they want to discharge me to an inpatient program close to my school. Hopefully then I’ll be ready to be outpatient by the time college starts so I won’t miss anything and I’ll still get to go to activities and make friends. They’re going to help me find a regular doctor in that area that knows about eating disorders to help coordinate care and because it’s a new doctor and I can sign all my own things my parents won’t even know who I’m seeing.

I was supposed to go home for a couple weeks before I moved to school but I didn’t really want to so I’m kind of glad the doctors don’t want me to either :/ which feels like a shitty thing to say. I’m scared and relieved at the same time. But I think I missed so much stuff over my childhood and I’m excited to get to start over somewhere new. I’m just trying to focus on thinking about what I’ll do when I feel better. Thank you everyone for being so kind and for the really helpful advice. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so seen in my life. I appreciate all the reassurance too. Even though I know it’s the right thing I can’t help feeling like I’m doing something wrong and I shouldn’t have said anything pretty often. I finally feel like things might actually be okay someday

Unsent Letter Post: June 18, 2024 (2 days later)

I should be mad at you. I spent years chasing every whim, hoping to do something right, hoping to be enough. I justified everything. I gave you excuses. I thought to myself “if I try harder she’ll be happy.” But it never was enough. Not when I followed every diet you put me on because you didn’t want me to grow too big. Not when I gave up nights with my friends because you didn’t want to be alone. Not when I cleaned your alcohol drenched vomit from the rug before dad came home. You never loved me. Not when I groveled. Not when I pleaded. Not when I tried to make myself small enough to fit in your cold, hard heart. Nothing could fit there anyway, the space is filled with your own vanity, oozing conceit. It takes a unique level of maliciousness to raise a child while planting mental land mines scattered through the ether of their thought, one missed step from blowing up. you’re so stupid this is your fault no one will ever want you if you tell, they’ll never understand no one will ever get you like I do

And you really thought I’d never find out how much you lied to me. You genuinely believed I was so dumb I’d stay placated and quiet forever. I should be mad at you, but I’m not. Not for long. Every time my anger bubbles to a peak it spills over and melts to guilt, sadness, and confusion and I’m left feeling a little emptier, my fury reduced to a puddle of lukewarm runoff. I really should be mad at you. I would be mad at anyone else. But I can’t help but replay the gentle moments, the ones that felt almost nurturing. Part of me still hopes the universe where you say you’re sorry exists. The one where you’re capable of emotions that aren’t self serving. The one where you protect me instead of being the one I need protection from. I should be mad at you. All I ever asked for was simple- love me how I am. But I don’t think you ever saw me as a person, just a possession. An inconvenience with too much free thought, and a spirit that needed to be subdued, shattered, crushed to pieces too small to do anything too daring. I can’t stay mad because I’m devastated. You watched me atrophy. You incited it. You stood and held my hand as I walked to the edge of the cliff and then you pushed me off and told me it was so I’d learn to fly. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. You knew that. I crashed, burned, and laid in a charred wreck at rock bottom still begging you to love me. I should be mad at you, but I pity you. And this time I’m not crawling back.

I hope you forget the sunscreen when you make your way to hell, but I’m still secretly hoping you miss me when you get there,

Your daughter

Update in Comments of OG post: June 20, 2024 (2days later, 6 from OG post)

Another update- Four days ago I started getting a bad stomach ache. Initially the doctors thought it was just from not being used to eating but then the next day I woke up with a fever and the pain kept getting worse. I turned out I had appendicitis.

I had surgery to remove it and they placed an NG tube in my nose while I was under, which has made this process a little easier actually even though I was afraid to get it. My potassium is back in the normal range again, my heart rate is a lot better, and overall I’m starting to feel a lot better too. They think there’s a good chance if I can get healthy I won’t have any permanent damage from the last 8 years.

For anyone wondering about the whole “18 is still a minor in Alabama” part and what that would mean in terms of mandated reporting, they did have to report my situation. I don’t want to go into that too much though. I can’t go back home but that’s probably for the best. I’ve been able to find a lot of helpful outlets in writing and the social worker and other hospital people have been really kind and helpful. It’s been a really intense week, but I’m hopeful that soon I’ll be well enough to discharge to treatment and have a fresh start. The amount of positivity and kindness and advice I received here absolutely blew me out of the water and helped me get through basically upending my own life. I was so scared and so unsure of whether I was making the right choice. I still sometimes go back and forth on that. But I definitely needed the help.

@[email protected] · 3 days ago

Life Advice Post: June 21, 2024 (1 week from OG post, next day from last update)

Might as well keep using the throwaway account for my embarrassing secrets right?

A summary- my mom was actually really awful which I only recently realized the extent of but basically she constantly lied to me and kept me kind of sheltered and I am super naive now and leaving for college in a couple months and suddenly feeling horrible unprepared.

What kind of life stuff do I need to know? What do you wish you would’ve known at 18? What is some information that’s helpful about college? Practical to emotional- I just want to feel more prepared.

Edit to add demographics per request- 18F, USA. No siblings and now no parents. Likely no extended family either.

Relevant Comments:

To a longer comment:

Thank you for this 🩵 the financial stuff I’m kind of figuring out. I have a scholarship for school which helps a lot but I’ve never had my own bank account (thought I wasn’t allowed to) so I’ve been looking into that too

Commenter: I’d also like to say make friends, but go slow there, too. Don’t trust anyone too quickly, don’t confide too much. There is plenty of time for that later, after you get to know people.

Such a big adventure you are beginning! I know you are nervous, but I’m a little envious.

OOP: Oh, I’m not planning to confide in anyone. That’s why this is on a throwaway. I want to just be normal. I don’t want to be seen for anything else or known as someone who had a bad childhood or anything

More on OOP’s background:

Yes. I wasn’t allowed on social media until I was 17. And while I did go to public school and I had friends, she often guilted me out of spending time with them and essentially taught me not to be trusting or open with anyone but her

Commenter: Lied about what? Also could you tell us a bit more about yourself? Advice can vary depending on gender etc.

OOP: Literally everything. To give a few examples: -I thought I wasn’t legally allowed to go to my doctor appointments alone -I thought if my mom unalived herself and left a note saying it was my fault I would go to jail -I thought it was illegal to block her number/not answer her if I was on her phone plan -I thought I could get arrested for being a runaway if I left the house for a few hours when things were….intense

My mom did a lot of things. I wasn’t allowed to watch a lot of normal shows or read normal books. She wouldn’t sign the papers to let me do the unit on puberty and stuff from school so I have to give myself the talk via the internet basically.

In general, I just want some real life advice that will be actually helpful to me

Food:

I can make eggs and toast and a few simple things like that. Food in my house was….complicated. And most of it was chosen for me. I also don’t know anything about cooking meat because I wasn’t allowed to eat it. Maybe a cooking class is is a good idea

Commenter: Get a meal plan if the cost is within your means.

OOP: I did actually! It was required (Editor’s note- can confirm as it was required for me too when I went lol)

One last comment from OOP from June 24 (I found this after posting- not enough for a full update)

Thank you. Im actually discharging straight into an inpatient facility now, and I’ll stay there probably until I can move into my dorm. I have thought about the breaks and the summer and I’m not exactly sure what I’m going to do but I’m not going back to Alabama, so I’ll figure something out

Editor’s Note: I chatted with OOP in the dms and she is an absolute sweetheart. I won’t share out of concern for privacy for both of us, but when I asked what university she’s going to, we found out she’s going to the same school that I went to for my Bachelor’s and Master’s! I’m excited for her.

@[email protected] · 3 days ago

OOP Commented on this post:

Hi. I’m the OOP. I don’t think I have the vocabulary for how blown away I am right now. It is absolutely surreal that so many people who don’t know me at all have taken the time to write thoughtful advice, encouragement, and kindness. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so warm in my life. 🥹

This has been the weirdest, most confusing, intense and disorienting two weeks of my life, but I’m okay with that because I think otherwise it might’ve been my last two weeks. I only felt brave enough to post my questions because I was finally 18 and I thought maybe I could get help without my parents having to know or be involved at all.

I also want to add I can’t take full credit for taking myself to the ER. After my original post someone who is a board certified psychiatrist reached out to me and told me I needed to go to the emergency department. He even helped me figure out which one to go to. I’m not sure I would’ve done that otherwise- I didn’t realize how serious my situation was even though I’d been having chest pain for weeks and feeling unwell. His advice is what made me go that night. I appreciate the comments on my bravery, but truthfully it wasn’t my idea. I also had some people reach out from my original post that have been encouraging helping me navigate how completely unsteady and intense this has been, and riding out the fear and guilt. Without that, I’m not sure I would’ve stayed in the hospital. I probably would’ve gone home. The internet is truly amazing.

Currently, I’m on my way to treatment. I know it’s where I need to be, but I’m nervous. All this positivity has really made me feel so much better and even excited for the future.

I figured I would address/answer a couple things that kept coming up in the comments.

My dad My dad was gone a lot on business trips. I don’t think he understood the entire extent of things (I didn’t either though) but I did sometimes hear him and my mom fighting, and he would say things to the effect of “you’re going to fuck her up and make her vain”. At some point he got a call from social services about me and he ignored them. He chose to believe my mom’s version of events, so he’s out of the picture. Legally neither of my parents are my guardians anymore.

-Legal Stuff I was told that in Alabama there is a part of the law about mandated reporting that includes 18 year olds if they are at immediate risk of danger and don’t qualify for adult services. That’s the part that caused the hospital to report my situation to social services. There’s a legal protective order in place. If my mom tried to find me or contact me, they haven’t told me. I think they’ve been trying to shield me from that. I have mixed feelings but I’m kind of trying to just let the people trying to help, help and not think about that too much because it makes me feel guilty. I didn’t want to punish them. I just wanted to feel better.

-On college The social worker and case worker are figuring out setting up supports for college and who needs to be informed of my situation as well as making it harder to figure out where I am, so someone is on that.

-My documents I’m just going to have to get new ones, basically. Which is probably safer anyway. I never even saw my own SSN card.

-Getting therapy I’m going to a treatment center for eating disorders, I’ll have a therapist and when I finish inpatient and move to outpatient I’ll still keep having therapy

-Winter Gear I’m definitely planning to get some……once I know what size I’m going to need it in 🫣 recommendations for where to get it and what brands are warmest very welcome. I’m told when I gain weight I won’t feel so cold but I’m not sure I buy it.

-health effects I had a bone density scan. It had a z score of -2 and they said I have osteopenia but it’s treatable. I’m also still growing, apparently. My EKGs still aren’t normal but they’re better. I got appendicitis and then shortly after, the flu. Probably from being in a hospital full of sick people, which kind of affected my eating and weight gain so my weight dropped a bit more but I’m feeling better and working on it more! I’ll also say that even in spite of that, getting tube fed and being able to eat more things and not just almonds and fruit and rice cakes definitely cleared a lot of the fog in my head. I can think in complete thoughts again, and I feel like it’s easier to access words.

-Making sure I don’t end up dating someone awful Currently, I have no desire to date anyway. I want to get my footing on this tightrope before I try to walk it holding hands, so to speak. I appreciate the concern about it though, it’s a good point. I just need to sort my own stuff out first, and I don’t want to do that with an audience who has expectations of me.

-Support for my scholarship and my writing Thank you 🥹 I don’t even know what else to say because nothing feels adequate. You all made me tear up. Maybe I will write a book.

-On updating When I’m all better, strong, and doing things I didn’t think I could I promise to update :) someday I want a little space of my own with a dog, a piano, and a garden. And a pantry full of snacks.

-Other people struggling in the comments There were a lot of people with similar situations and I just wanted to say this one thing- for me, doing what was better for me and objectively the right thing didn’t feel like the right thing. I had to do it in spite of how counterintuitive it felt and how guilty I felt. Sometimes the right thing doesn’t feel like it. Also, you’ll feel a lot better when you start getting better. Focus on the way your brain goes back online instead of the way you can suddenly feel every hurt you’ve ever neglected. I’m told it gets better but only if you don’t stop.

From the very bottom of my slow-beating-but-healing heart, Thank you. I think this is the first time in my life I haven’t wished I was invisible

Editor’s note 2: Thanks everyone for all of the comments and advice. In order to not completely overwhelm OOP with info, I’m going to keep a list of advice and then create a google doc for her and organize things by subject. I read all comments so I’ll get there, but it might take me a bit! I’m glad to be a part of this community 💜

@[email protected] · 3 days ago

Her mom placed a curse on her that Is finally lifting thanks to helpful adventures.

What will happen if I am honest with my pediatrician? Can they force me in a hospital?

What will happen if I am honest with my pediatrician? Can they force me in a hospital?

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