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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Big-Warning8649 on 2023-06-27 10:30:46+00:00.

This might seem a little messy and complicated so I will try to be as clear as possible.

My dad and my mom had my older brother and me (both mid 30s). Mom died when we were 9 and 11. Dad remarried when I was 13 to his second wife Janet.

Janet was a widow with three kids from her late husband.

For the first year they had a typical marriage. They even had my half sister Katie in that time. But right after Katie was born, their marriage changed. Neither wanted a traditional marriage and weren’t in love with each other, as both were still devoted to their late spouses. So they stayed married but chose to go by companions instead.

They slept in separate rooms. Did family things individually from each other except for with their shared child. Janet was not part of my brother’s or my life really and dad was the same with her three kids. They would act like friends more than a couple because in reality that was what they were. They said they also saw it as lessening the potential burden on their kids one day.

From an early point both had made it clear that if they were to pass, they would want to be buried with their first spouses.

Katie struggled a lot with the dynamic. Now that her mom is gone, she is fighting for her to not be buried with her first husband so she can be buried with dad when he goes (dad has become unable to care for himself due to early onset dementia). Janet’s other kids said no way and she goes in with their dad, who she loved, who was her real spouse. Katie asked me to help her talk them around and I told her I would not do that. That when dad goes he’ll be buried with mine and my brother’s mom, like he wanted and like we’d want too.

Katie told me it’s not fair. It’s like she doesn’t matter in any of this. She told me I’m supposed to help her and support her in this and I’m refusing. That when she dies she’ll end up being buried alone (she has often talked about never wanting to marry or have kids) and she won’t be able to be buried with her parents and it isn’t fair. I tried to offer her comfort but she told me I wasn’t helping her change the plans and I could fuck off.

She’s 19 and has suffered a huge loss so I am being compassionate as I can be. But she’s mad and I don’t know if I’m TA or not so AITA?