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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Quigonjimothy on 2023-07-30 04:35:26.

I have been dating someone for eight months now. I’m very happy. I haven’t told them that they’re my first time having PIV sex.

For background, I was groomed and sexually abused as a child. This made me incredibly wary as an adult about sex. My first consensual kiss was at 23. Not for lack of opportunity but because I simply did not want to be touched that way. Since then, I have had oral sex and everything but PIV. Some partners (all short term) infantilized my “virginity”. It made me angry that they would do this because I was introduced to the world of sex far before most people but it was at the hands of a family member before I even hit puberty.

My friends are supportive but confused. I can’t explain to them that telling my partner (who I love and trust completely) feels wrong. That it makes me irrationally angry every time I think about bringing up that conversation. I had to grow up quickly as a kid to ensure the abuse didn’t get worse. It means I have panic attacks now as an adult. My partner helps me through them. Every time I have a panic attack, he’s much more reticent about having sex with me (likely because he wants to be gentle). I haven’t had a panic attack during sex in months now and our sex life is much more fun because of it. I don’t want to be infantilized again nor made to feel inexperienced after what I’ve been through. But I know I’m going to have to tell him one day.