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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/New_Huckleberry6975 on 2023-07-30 04:34:28.

AITA for not letting my neighbour use my deck for a party and BBQ??

I (30F) and my wife (35F) live in a duplex with a backyard. We rent the main floor of the duplex, and a woman named Lisa (25F) rents the basement. The square footage is really similar for both of the suites, but we pay significantly more because we also get the deck in the backyard, and a small garden plot where we grow wildflowers. My wife and I are responsible for all lawn maintenance, snow shoveling, and any upkeep in the backyard.

Since we moved into this duplex, we have been putting a lot of money into making our deck beautiful. We purchased patio furniture and a nice BBQ, we’ve planted dozens of flowers in planters around the deck, we’ve made an herb garden, and my wife even sewed all of the new pillow covers for the patio furniture when the other ones got old. We love this deck, and like to spend time on the deck in the summer. We have spent a lot of time and money making our backyard as cozy as possible. We live in a cold climate where we can only use our deck for a few months out of the year.

When Lisa moved in, she asked about the deck. We told her that we don’t have a problem with her using the deck and our BBQ in the summer, as long as she asks us ahead of time so we can make sure that we don’t have conflicting plans. She said that was fine. Lisa is aware that the deck is ours. She has not contributed anything to the deck or backyard since moving in.

Today, Lisa texted me and said that she would be using the deck tomorrow afternoon/evening for her birthday party (her birthday is tomorrow, apparently), and she would be using the BBQ as well. My wife and I had already made plans to have some friends over for drinks and then dinner on the deck. It would be at the same time as Lisa’s event.

I texted Lisa back and told her that my wife and I made plans to use the deck tomorrow afternoon, and that we were sorry, but she wouldn’t be able to use the deck. She got upset at me and called me selfish, and said that she only wanted to use the deck for a few hours and I should have just made it work.

My wife thinks that I was the asshole for telling Lisa no, on her birthday, but the fact is that we put a lot of time and effort into our deck and I want to be able to use the deck when I want. I have been out of town for weeks, and just want to enjoy a nice night on my deck.

I am annoyed that Lisa didn’t even bother to ask ahead of time - if she had asked, we would have tried to work around her plans, but now it’s too late to change them. Also, the last time Lisa used the deck, she left our BBQ absolutely filthy, even though we left our BBQ brush right beside it for her to use. She’s also left garbage on the table before.

So Reddit, AITA for not letting Lisa use my deck?