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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2024-07-05 04:01:03+00:00.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/midnightanglewing

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITAH for not sharing my reception with my older sister

Thanks to u/soayherder + u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU

Editor’s note: added paragraph breaks for readability

Trigger Warnings: emotional manipulation, entitlement

Original Post: June 6, 2024

Dyslexic & on mobile

Me & my partner are doing a renewing our vows is a few weeks. My older sister got married in court a week ago only telling 3 people then dropping it on Facebook. Everyone asked where her reception will be & she said she send out invitations soon.

Yesterday I visited my mom with her sence I can’t drive due to medical reasons. On the drive there she bring up her wedding & say she can’t afford a reception. She drag on about the entire 45 minute drive there about it. I just stayed quiet as I knew what was doing. We had a good visit with my mom & left.

On the way back she starts talk about me renewing my vows & how lucky I am to afford it. About 15 minutes into the drive she comes up with idea of doing a double reception so she can celibate her marriage with everyone at the same time. I told her no as she wouldn’t be able to contribute to it & I wasn’t going to front the cost for her. She acted like I didn’t say anything & just started talking about changes I need to make to “fit both of us” & a fair split guest list. I just said I will not be sharing my reception with you.

By the time she dropped me off she had a plan to entirely change the reception to her liking. I just told her I will not even invite her if she continues to push for this. She just says ok & speeds off. Today I woke up to an invite to “her” reception same time & place as mine on facebook. She even post about how kind I was to give her the chance to celebrate her marriage with everyone. I replied to the post saying that I never agree to that & she wouldn’t even be allowed there anymore. Some people are now calling me AH for not just sharing the reception hall. It’s a splite between my family on if I’m an AH or if my sister is over stepping.

TLDR: My sister want to take over my reception & I refuse to share an even I’m paying for. I have several people saying I’m the AH as it’s not my wedding only renewing vows & she can’t afford a reception after her court wedding. Am I the AH for not sharing the reception with her.

Edit: I have security already & have a in person meeting today (day after post) with them to discuss the guest list & the possible ability of the uninvited one. Security was already part of the plan even before this incident due to other unkind family members who are not invited so what’s adding one more.

The only reason I still talk to my sister is for my mother’s sake & I will continue to be low contact with her unfortunately. Thank you for your kind worlds. I was starting to to think I might just be AH but then realize most people who are saying are people who wouldn’t have been invited in the first place. I will update after the reception as there several people requesting it.

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA

give-me-awards: NTA. Your sister is out of line trying to hijack your special day for her own benefit. It’s your vow renewal, not a joint celebration. She needs to learn boundaries and respect your decisions. Stand your ground.

gastropodia42: NTA

A lot of people just have reception at home or a potluck in a park. She can have her own reception, she just wants to steal yours.

Update: June 28, 2024

Update the vow renewal ceremony went long so we where behind showing up to receptions.

The shuddle showed up just in time to see security stopping my sister (without her husband) & other uninvited guest getting ID. I ask my party to stay back a minute as I didn’t want to over whelm the security. Granted to say it turn into a bit of entertainment.

She had a couple hundred dollar dress & was trying overwhelmed the security with just the amount of people. The guard had quite a voice & yell loudly that anyone who is here for dig sister reception is in the wrong place & will not allowed in unless they where on the guest list. A large group of her party just walked away.

My big sister starts demanding to speak to the manager & how dare he scare people off. The manager show up alongside more security. My sister puts on her best crying act ever but the manager just say she & her guest has 5 mintues to leave the property or the police will be involved.

She storms off screaming about how it was unfair & how much money she wasted on a dress for this night.

The rest of the night was uneventful & was really chill. The staff & security got a very good tip & any left over alchohol or food they wanted.

I hope that was the end of that but this morning I get a money request for $400 USD from my sister saying if I don’t pay she will sue me. I have a lawyer so this is of no concern to me because she wouldn’t have grounds to stand on. I swear she getting worse with time & need some mental help. I’m am limiting contact with her to email & only in regard to my mom’s care.

Relevant Comments

Critical-Wear5802: …just out of nosiness… How many uninvited guests of sister’s showed up? Trying to figure out the size of her entitlement!

OOP: She had 6 family members that I didn’t invite & 7 of her friends. So 13 in total that showed up. The reception hall was only rated for 25 people.

Mysterious-Nee67: Too bad you can’t get a restraining order against her. The entitlement and harassment are off the charts with your sister!

OOP: If it wasn’t for needing to stay in contact for my mother’s care then I probably would have one.

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