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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/WTF_Conservatives on 2023-07-31 02:17:12.

Long story short… My ex and I co parent a wonderful 9 year old daughter. We’ve been separated since my daughter was 3 but we have always maintained 50% physical custody and co-parented effectively. I’m dad.

Well my daughter’s body is changing. And she is developing little “buds” that are barely even there or noticeable. My daughter’s mom freaked out and bought her about 10 bras and told her she has to wear them at all times when not at home.

At first I was on board because this is clearly mom territory and I didn’t want to step on her toes. But the last few weeks it’s been made clear that my daughter hates wearing these bras (she has sensory issues when it comes to clothes). So I haven’t been forcing her to wear them when she is with me.

Her mom found out and we had a little argument about it. I asked her why it was so important- if it was a development thing or a modesty thing since I’m pretty ignorant in this subject. She told me it is a modesty thing and that she needs to wear them because “men are perverts”.

Our daughter is 9 years old! I got a bit mad because I don’t feel like my 9 year old daughter should have to wear something that is uncomfortable because someone may look at her wrong. I feel like it’s the same concept as forcing women to wear veils so men aren’t tempted. And it’s just wrong.

This is the second puberty related argument we’ve had. When I took our daughter to her last doctor’s appointment the doctor told us that she was starting puberty and we need to start having those talks with her. I asked her mom to talk to her about the changes that would be happening to her body but she refused saying she was too young and that it would scare her. But the doctor said it’s possible for her to have her first period any time between now and when she is 11.

So I did research, sat her down and talked to her about this stuff and we made a plan for what to do when it happens- especially if it is at school. Her mom was livid and said I had no business talking to her about those things as I’m dad and not mom.

Mom thinks I am a major asshole for these things. But I think I’m just doing what has to be done so my daughter isn’t made uncomfortable or blindsided by the changes she will be experiencing.

AITAH?