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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/CantDealWithTroy on 2023-07-31 02:41:40.

My (19f) brother Troy (12m) has been a nightmare to deal with since he was a little kid. He curses at and calls our mom Diana (her first name.) I think a big reason for this is because Troy’s dad isn’t in his life and my mom really hasn’t handled it in the best way.

Mom makes excuses for Troy like “he hasn’t been the same since his father left” but I don’t think she’s tried therapy and she’s basically given up and decided that Troy is just going to be this way and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.

My mom tells lies to hide how bad things actually are with Troy. I think she’s in denial herself and it’s her coping mechanism to avoid being too overwhelmed with the situation. Because it’s not as if Troy acts any better in front of people outside the family.

Troy was kicked out of his public school after an extremely cruel “prank.” But she’s told people that she started homeschooling Troy because she “realized that gifted kids need to lead their own education.” He’s in a homeschool co-op right now but is on thin ice because of how he acts.

I’ve had to help with Troy and have ended up doing a lot more parenting than a sister should have to. Oftentimes our mom couldn’t get off work and I would end up having to take home Troy or talk to his teachers because he got in trouble.

It’s a strain because Troy really doesn’t respect me much more than he does our mom. He flips me off and calls me names and yells over stupid things. Troy doesn’t show any real respect or appreciation even when I’m trying to do something nice for him.

My friend Hayley’s sister just got married and moved in with her now husband. Meaning there’s an empty room at Hayley’s house. Hayley and her parents said that as long as I pull my weight with chores and stay out of trouble, I can live with them and pay basically nothing in rent.

I took Hayley’s offer and have been living with her for about four months. Unfortunately, things are not going well with Troy and our mom. She told me that she can’t handle Troy on her own and begged me to come back home because she needs help with him.

My mom offered to buy me a car and pay for all its insurance and gas if I came back, I know this is not an easy thing for her and it means she is desperate. I told my mom that I was sorry but I like my current living situation and don’t want to go back to Troy’s chaos and disrespect.

I told my mom that I loved her but she said I was breaking her heart and she accused me of not even caring. I feel awful because I know my mom is desperate and she can’t handle Troy. But he doesn’t respect me and I can’t deal with him either. AITA?