This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Good-Palpitation258 on 2023-07-31 13:20:26.

My (21f) boyfriend (26m) and I have been together for a little over a year. I got my own apartment the beginning of this year. Since that, I’d say our relationship has grown feeling wise. But he hasn’t done any personal growth.

He’s been staying at my place 3-4 sometimes 5 days a week. Since I got the lease in my name, I haven’t asked him for any rent or anything even though people in my life said he should be contributing other than bringing over groceries here and there. His job is very inconsistent and averages 20 hours a week. All of his bills are paid for, and in his parents name. And he still lives at home, with his laundry folded and meals cooked every night.

I have felt like he’s just told me empty promises and things I want to hear , when all I want is honesty. I brought it up to him a few times, and it usually just ends up in an argument.

He’s told me that he wants to move in with me at the end of my lease, and I told him that order to do so, there are many steps that you have to take to become financially independent.

He told me “It’s only been a year, it can’t happen over night” I don’t think wanting your boyfriend to take initiative is too much to ask for, when he says he wants to have a home with you in 5 months.

I also told him my feelings on how I feel like I have to teach him how Adulting works. Ive helped him write out budgets, taught him about insurance, and things that he said that his parents never taught him.

One day while I needed him to do sometning there while I was at work, I gave him the key and he ended up not giving it back. I didn’t ask for it back, I forgot and it slipped my mind. Until last night. I asked him if I can get my key back, he asked me why?

I told him since his name is not on the lease , and he hasn’t moved in, I don’t see why he should have a key. He then told me how it’s normal for couples to do that. And if he had an apartment, he’d give me his key.

Am I the asshole for asking for it back? And for having “unrealistic expectations”