This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/BabeGooseberry on 2023-07-31 14:00:39.

My parents (45M, 45F) broke up when I (19F) was 3, my dad took me when they split, but didn’t raise me. Instead, he left me with his parents. Even before they broke up, I always close to them and I love my grandma more than anyone in the world, so this is the best outcome I could ask for.

My dad moved to another town, he visited once a week, sometimes I also visit him on weekends.

When my parents broke up, my dad promised he wouldn’t have more children. He is, maybe just for me, famous for breaking every promises he gave.

I’ve never had a problem with my dad having new girlfriends. I always try to be friendly with all of them. About 8 years ago, my dad met his girlfriend (42F), and we got along fine. Things changed when she accused me of saying rude things to her, which I did not, and she wanted to discipline me which she not having any right. My dad took my side, knowing that my grandma had raised me well enough. They had a fight and she said he spoiled me too much and I will become a brat.

She trying to act like she was my mom, making me do her chores, even though I didn’t live with them. The young me didn’t want to have problems with her so I obeyed. Silly me.

Then, 5 years ago, my dad took me on a sudden trip, and I had no idea I was going until he picked me up from school with my luggage packed by my grandma. Felt like they kidnapped me. During this trip, he revealed that she was pregnant. I felt numb and didn’t react much to the news. He broke his promise again, nothing new, but THIS is still too much.

I distanced myself from them, blocking her from my social media and leaving the family group chat she was in.

They moved back to the same town after she gave birth to their son (4M). My dad bought a new house and tried to convince me to live with them. I refused because my home is with my grandmother, where I feel loved and safe. I visit a few times but never stay the night at their place.

My dad keeps insisting that I’m a big sister and that it’s my role, but in my mind, I don’t feel like anyone’s sister. I know my half-brother is just a toddler and not responsible for this situation, but I can’t stand my dad’s idea of family. It makes me uncomfortable when he brings it up, and I avoid spending time with them altogether.

I also hate it when my dad’s girlfriend talks down to their son. She’s already criticizing him for not liking to study or read. It’s frustrating to see him being compared to me. True we have shared half of our genes but we are different person with different personalities and interests.

I moved out for uni about a year now. My aunt visited last week and told me the girlfriend’s mother, who I met a couple of times, had stroke and will not make it. Then, she passed. I didn’t say a word. Didn’t show sympathy at all. I feel like a jerk and confusing with my emotions right now.

So, am I the asshole for this whole situation? I’m not sure of anything anymore.