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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Boop_Booples on 2023-07-31 18:29:24.

AITA for feeling like I’m being belittled by my sister in her wedding planning?

Okay, so I (35F) am attending my sister’s (38F) wedding soon, but throughout all her wedding planning she’s been making decisions that make me feel like I’m being belittled or punished for a past feud.

Before I got married 5 years ago, my sister fell out with me because I didn’t want to do typically girly hen do things. I said I didn’t want a hen do but if I MUST I’d like to go go-karting or something similar and she blew up and said I was selfish for not wanting to have cocktails and afternoon tea. We ended up arguing because I said she was trying to have it turn into her own hen do in case she never got married (I know, ouch, not my finest hour.) We eventually made up BUT not before I got married. I genuinely expected a congratulations text at least on my wedding day but no, silence. Nothing. It was the only blip on an otherwise perfect day (we eloped so no stress just a day for us) but I let it go when we made up.

Fast forward to last year, my sister finally starts planning her wedding. She has her hen do, I’m not invited. She names her bridesmaids, I’m not asked to be one. I’ve written them a poem for the service and offered to help in any way I can, I even created a chat group for posting ideas etc, and she has asked me to be a witness. However, last week I spoke to our parents and seating arrangements for the service came up. They’ve got reserved seats at the front, and I asked whether me and my husband would be front row, as that’s our whole immediately family. They said they assumed so, especially as my sister was doing all the set up so it was in her gift. I then double checked with my sister and she said “No, sorry, there’s only reserved seats for mum and dad. Try not to be completely at the back though if you can.”

Now, I know that she could just write out one more “Reserved” but of paper, that it’s her decision and she’s just choosing to make me feel like I’m less important than anyone else in our family. I don’t want to confront her and risk upsetting her ahead of her wedding day, but her behaviour has just really upset me.

We’ve always been pretty close but in the past has blown up at me for things that weren’t my fault (e.g. one of her ex boyfriends said he wished she was more like me, which is his opinion, he said it, but she blamed me??). My husband (38M) REALLY dislikes my sister and says I shouldn’t attend at all and her behaviour is consistently terrible towards me.

I’m tempted to sit at the back of the venue and just leave after the ceremony but worried that that would make me seem petty… Because it’s probably petty.

What should I do (if anything?) AITA?

TL/DR: my sister’s sidelining me from her wedding planning , even down to not letting me sit up front with our family, and it’s upsetting me.