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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/apple_blossom320 on 2023-06-27 17:15:55+00:00.

My boyfriend of eight years got into a car accident this summer. He was in a coma for several weeks before he passed away from the injuries. He was my first love and soulmate and I’m still grieving and finding it hard to get through each day.

His birthday is next Friday and his friends and family are planning to give him a heavenly birthday party. My boyfriend was a happy and cheerful guy who loved to have fun and was very social with everyone, and so his friends want to throw a real college type party with loud music and drinks and dancing. I don’t feel like I’m ready for that just yet, it’s only been a month since his passing and it still feels like I haven’t woken up from the nightmare. I’m still not sure what’s better, to be distracted or let myself sit in the sadness. All I know is that I want to spend the day alone. I want to keep things simple and revisit some of our favorite places or do something we used to do together. I want to bake him his favorite cake, maybe look at some photos and light him a candle. I want to visit his grave and tell him how much I still love him and miss him.

I’ve told his friends and family that I don’t feel comfortable with the idea of having a party like that, that it’s way too soon for me. I’ told them that they can have a party if they want, but that I won’t be there. They argued that my boyfriend wouldn’t want me to be sad all the time, that he’d want me to have fun and throw him a big and noisy party, and that I’m just selfish and disrespectful.

WIBTA for not going?