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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/pumpkinthighs on 2023-08-01 02:16:36.

I (20f) and my brother (21m) currently attend university at the same school. We’re pursuing similar majors so we’ve had a few classes together already. We meet every once in a while to talk and go over notes together. I think my brother is nice, but lately he’s been getting somewhat frustrated about not getting any dates with girls.

I wouldn’t consider my brother ugly, but I do think there are some features he has that needs adjusting if he wants to be more attractive. The other day he asked me how he can be more attractive to women and go on dates or get a girlfriend. I wouldn’t call myself a relationship master or anything but I’ve been in 2 relationships which is 2 more than he’s ever had.

I didn’t want to beat around the bush or say that he just needs more confidence or anything because I believe that gives people false hope sometimes. Confident does go a long way, but personality and looks go just as far.

I started with saying that his appearance isn’t all that well kept. His hair is often greasy, he face is covered with acne, and I don’t believe his haircut suited his face. I suggested maybe looking into growing out his hair more and learning how to style it. I offered to help with skincare because I know at least where to start regarding skin type. I also offered to help him shop for better shampoo and said he should get used to washing it more often. I also offered to help him shop for different clothes that look better than oversized jean shorts and a plain t-shirt.

Then I moved onto his personality. My brother is kinda dense. For example, he asked my lesbian friend to prom multiple times even after they said they didn’t like boys. He needs to understanding that when a person says no or makes an excuse (even if he thinks it’s a dumb excuse) that he has to accept it. He also talks a lot about himself and can’t hold a conversation well. In a date setting you want to ask questions about your date and give them room to open up maybe by asking deeper questions about their answers. He doesn’t do that.

I ended it by also stating that he needed better hobbies and things to talk about than his mobile games and magic the gathering. Are there many women who love gaming as well? Absolutely, but you need to have more going than talking about what new cards you got and what the latest edition is going to be. Maybe join a club or sport. Get more involved and find something more to do than school, work, and gaming. There needs to be healthy balance.

It all boils down to, it you want to attract someone, then you need to become someone that people will find attractive.

Well after our meeting ended we went our separate ways. I texted him earlier today asking if we could meet up again later this week. He left me on read for a few hours before saying that he didn’t want to meet up with me for a while after what I said at our last meet-up.

Was I mean?