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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Confident_Pudding_33 on 2023-08-01 12:18:04.

My (35m) Fiancé (33f) and I have been together for 5 years. I have two sons from a previous relationship that are 8 and 10. They live with me full time and see their mom every other weekend and half the school holidays. My Fiancé has a very good relationship with my boys and has always been there for their big moments (first day of school, soccer games…) .

A few weeks ago we found out that my fiancé was pregnant. The timing was really bad as my fiancé has been going back to university to study and she would have to give up her big dream. She said that it was a difficult choice, but that she wanted to have an abortion. We cried a lot together, and I also walked in on her a few times crying alone. Just to be clear, I did not pressure her into anything as I was very open that I did want a child with her, but in the timeline she feels most comfortable with.

Now is where apparently I am an asshole: my Fiancé had asked me to be there for her in the week after the abortion to help her recover and to give emotional support. She also asked me if I could drop off my boys at their mothers place, because she would like some alone time with me to adjust to the situation and they are on school break anyway. I was not allowed to be there in the hospital the day of the abortion (apparently that is to ensure the women are not pressured) and was supposed to pick her up. But the Mother of my kids called that I had to take the kids because she just broke up with her boyfriend and that she couldn’t deal with having them there. I called my fiancés parents (they knew, what was going on) to pick her up and I said I would come to her place later (we don’t live together). My younger son (8) had a complete breakdown because he saw his mother and her (ex)boyfriend fight and it had apparently been physical. He said he wanted to stay with me instead of me dropping them off at my parents place. I called my fiancé and asked her if I could bring the boys, but she refused saying she was not feeling well and having the boys there would be too much for her.

I couldn’t just leave my boys behind, so I told her I would call every day to check on her and that she should call me if she needed anything or if she was ready to have me and the boys there with her.

It’s been a week and I called her every day, but she had been very distant with me. When I called today she cried and said that she had to endure everything alone and that all she wanted was one week with me to be with her. She assured me that she loves my boys, but that I should have made her a priority this time because the boys had not been in any real emergency but that she had needed me.

She says she has to rethink our relationship and I am so scared to lose her. I love her with all my heart, but it’s not like I could have just left my boys when they clearly needed me too. I know it was hard for her, but I didn’t know what else to do, as my sons begged me to stay with them.

So, AITA for having prioritized my sons?