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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/DoopityBoop on 2023-08-01 13:44:15.

I (22m) live with my (20f) girlfriend, and her (18m) brother is coming to visit for a few days. My gf has asked me to sleep on the sofa whilst he’s visiting, so that he can sleep in my spot next to her. Yes, she will be sleeping in the bed next to him.

Apparently it’s normal in her family. She is Dutch so maybe it’s normal in NL? We live in the UK and I grew up always intuitively knowing that a couple’s bedroom, and especially their bed, is a very private place, and inviting anyone else to sleep there is to be avoided. There are exceptions such as offering for an older parent or even kids.

In my opinion, her fit, healthy, 18 yr old brother can sleep on the couch, not in my (but more importantly our) bed, and especially not with my girlfriend there. Of course I know there wouldn’t be anything sexual of course not, but it still feels like it would be an intrusion into our relationship. I’m more shocked than annoyed at my gf about this. I’ve explained that such a thing would be feel like she was disrespecting my role as her partner by violating that privacy. After a brief heated conversation, she begrudging said she would try and borrow our flatmate’s air matress. Again I’m still shocked she was willing to offer my place in bed with her before any alternatives such as this.

For context, it’s important to note that my gf and I are actually in the process of breaking up. This is besides the point but I thought I should mention it. It’s an completely amicable breakup, a joint decision so that we can both do the things we need to in life whilst we are still young - in fact we are separating now so that our relationship isn’t damaged, and we can potentially pick it up again in the future.

We decided to stay together until I move out (will be after her brother visits), in order to avoid going through the breakup whilst still living together, as this would turn our friendship sour. We are actually still in love, and get on very well usually, which makes this scenario even more tricky.

Her asking me to sleep on the coach, however, seems not to be motivated at all by our planned-seperation, and entirely by her brother.

She claimed to have asked me about her brother sleeping in the bed previously, and that I agreed in passing. Although I don’t remember this, it may be true. Most likely because I didn’t fully understand at the time, because I wouldn’t have thought she would even ask such a thing.

As an extra kick in the teeth, this argument about her brother staying happened today on what should be our 2nd anniversary.

Anyway, AITA?

EDIT: I asked my gf and she said it’s nothing to do with our relationship, it’s because she thought it was the right thing to do and I would want to offer anyway??

I’m not sure if her brother is aware of her idea for sleeping arrangements. He is a nice guy and I get on well with all of her family.

My gf has always been close with her brothers growing up, and she said they shared hotel rooms and stuff, which is normal as kids, but after puberty it’s weird, and I think that’s how most people see it. I told her I was concerned she didn’t see how that was weird, and she accused me of calling her a perv.

I would move out now if I could, but I moved a long way to live with my gf, meaning I don’t have any family or close friends I could move to for the meantime. We decided to try and keep a level of relationship until then so that we can prepare and more importantly maintain a level of respect between us whilst I was still living here. Tbh it’s the best choice I’ve got rn.