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The original was posted on /r/truscum by /u/CampyBiscuit on 2024-08-08 23:20:08+00:00.

I’m asking this for personal reasons. A brief background to preface why I’m even posing the question:

I came out of denial about my struggle with gender dysphoria last November. It was one of the most painful and cathartic experiences of my life, and learning more about dysphoria helped to put my lifelong struggle into such a clear perspective. After battling severe bouts of SI, soon after, I started HRT and have never felt so at peace and so comfortable in my own body in my entire life. It literally saved my life. It made my life 100% more difficult, but it did save it.

Great… so why am I here?

Well, after I came out of denial, I immediately sought out gender-focused therapy, more current information about all things trans-related, and community… And wow… The community…

Being willfully in denial for so long has insulated me from the evolution of trans issues since the 90’s, as well as the surrounding discussions and bitter division about said issues (even within the trans community itself). Which brings me here. 👋

When I discuss my own personal experiences, and I express concerns and frustrations about the wide umbrella of what it means to be “trans” I have often either been warned about sounding dangerously close to, or being outright accused of being… TRUSCUM!

For a while, I just accepted it. I thought, well maybe I’m getting old? Maybe I am being intolerant. I mean, what do I know? I’ve been tormenting myself in the closet while the rest of the community has been living their truth and figuring things out together. What right do I have to my own experience and opinion?

But then I see the news. I hear transphobic rhetoric in casual social interactions. I see social media posts ridiculing and invalidating trans people. And I can’t help feeling… But… Wait a minute. None of these people get it. Why don’t they understand that being trans isn’t a choice, it’s a fucking condition. To me, honestly, an affliction. I don’t want to be trans. I’ve just tried every other possible solution to my problem and HRT legitimately helped meore than anything ever has. Why aren’t they talking about that. How can they be so cruel to people with such a dibilitating condition like this?

Then I met the community… I learned that you don’t need gender dysphoria or body dysmorphia or any medical or psychological criteria at all. You simply need to identify… And I’m so uncomfortable with the language I’ve learned. I don’t identify as anything. I can’t explain why I feel the way I feel, but something inside me doesn’t feel right. The closest thing I’ve ever been able to relate my experience too is something like “phantom limb syndrome.” I’ve often felt this odd sensation that my body should be different. I relate to women more than I relate to men. My mannerisms and the way I communicate and interact have often been pointed out as being much more feminine. And something I find kind of anecdotaly affirming is that I’m able to do all of those “Ten things women can do that men can’t.” Like picking up a chair with my head against a wall, etc… Silly, I know, but I’ll take validation wherever I can get it, because the dysphoria wins anyway.

But I get chastised for expressing that my experience is different from those who don’t relate to any of the things I described. I get accused of being no better than a TERF if I express a view that what some people see as a form of self expression that should be available for anyone is my life-saving healthcare.

But here’s my thing… I don’t care how anyone wants to express themselves. I really don’t. The only thing that matters to me is that - as a trans woman - people will accuse me of being a “man in a dress,” and they will use that gross misrepresentation to justify taking away my rights and my healthcare and my safety. Then, to defend myself, I will explain my struggle with dysphoria, and I will explain the same science I have poured over to come to terms with my condition, and I will assert that because of these reasons trans people deserve more respect and dignity, and we deserve our day in court to justify our right coexist as equals in society… Then someone from my own community will “well actually” the situation and insist that… dysphoria isn’t required, anyone can identify as trans, etc…

And I’m so exhausted. I truly don’t understand. I feel gaslit by the gods. Am I crazy? Do I have a medical condition or am I just delusional? Is this a lifestyle choice? How is my personal hell the same as someone else’s personal choice about how they express themselves?

I look at it like this, and I accept that maybe I am the scum of the earth for being this way, but it feels like needing to wear a cast for a broken leg vs someone wearing a cast because they want to. And that same person will write you off as the devil itself if you dare suggest that somehow your experiences are different and maybe shouldn’t be categorized EXACTLY THE SAME… 😮‍💨😞😶‍🌫️🫥

Again… I can’t stress enough. I’m 100% for personal expression. I’m just struggling really bad with the curse of being trans. I flip flops back and forth with how I feel about the broadness of the trans umbrella. I’ve even engaged in heated arguments opposing TRUSCUM views at times… I’m just exhausted and confused, and all I want is more clarity and consensus for everyone across the board. I don’t think having such a broad definition helps any of us. And I fear that somehow makes me the scum of the earth.