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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Vegetable-Car-5668 on 2023-08-01 20:27:47.
Hi Reddit!
For some background, I am the youngest of four girls. My two older sisters (32, 30) both have kids. My third sister (27) doesn’t and is getting married at the end of the month. I (23) also don’t have children but my partner & I hope to have some in the future. Oldest sister lives overseas with her husband and so is mostly irrelevant in this situation - her and sister 3 don’t speak.
Anyway, sister 3 is having a childfree wedding. She is, like, aggressively childfree. We don’t really get along.
So, basically, our parents are old farts (lol love them) and can no longer drive. I can’t drive, either, but my husband can, as can my older sister. She’s a single mom, though, and had no one to watch her kids.
My husband & soon to be BIL hate each other. They grew up together and theres just lots of hard feelings there, so my husband wasn’t going to the wedding. I was going to have him drop me off.
In the end, last weekend, after months of anxiety, I said I would stay with the kids so my parents and sister could go. She will drive them and attend in my place. Once we decided my husband gave the okay to work on the day of the wedding.
My sister lost it at that. Then decided she would have someone else drive our parents and asked me to come. I told her no, my older sister wants to go - I’d rather her there, anyway, as if one of our parens falls or something she knows what to do.
Sister lost it and said I was being selfish. This is where I may be the asshole;
I then told her I didn’t see the point in going to an event half the family would be missing from (referencing the kids).
She said it shouldn’t matter to me, because I don’t have kids. I then said they were better company than her & point blank refused to attend her wedding. Even if the kids have a babysitter, which sister is now offering to pay for, I wouldn’t go.
She’s so upset. I feel a little bad, but not much.
My oldest sister says I’m in the right, second sister says she feels really bad. Our parents aren’t really acknowledging the situation. I think they just want to see their daughter get married.
AITA?
I can definitely see both sides of this and I’m conflicted. The more I think about it the closer I get to apologising and offering to go, even though I don’t want to.
ETA; Everyone who was asking about the drama between my husband & BIL - here you go. I had to get permission from my SIL before I could share.
My SIL (husbands sister) and soon to be BIL (sisters almost husband) dated in high-school. He got her pregnant and dipped. He tried to force an abortion on her, accused her of cheating, the whole shebang.
When she had the baby she had a DNA test done and sued him for child support. The entire time he was slating her name, making her feel horrible - tried to force her to put their son up for adoption.
When their son was five months old he passed away due to an undetected medical issue. She was suffering, hospitalised.
BIL made a post about being free from the shackles of his “bank draining baby mama” and went on a partying streak to celebrate. Insists that she’s a bad mom, even now, and has never once visited his sons grave (and skipped his funeral). Didn’t tell his own family members that he’d passed away and they also missed his funeral.
My husband fucking hates him. He ended up having to work overtime to help pay for the funeral as a fifteen year old because BIL refused to step up. He doesn’t even acknowledge his son.
My SIL is still recovering, no thanks to him, but has welcomed a baby girl in the past year and she is an amazing mom.
The term “bad blood” is an understatement.