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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/TheCrazyStupidGamer on 2024-09-11 14:26:23+00:00.

So… I’ve been using crappy knifes my whole life. Even when I had a chef’s knife, I didn’t hold its edge for long. And while moving to a new place, I chose to leave my knife behind.

That left me in a pickle, though, because I was now knifeless and I needed to cook. So I tried looking for a good knife as was the plan, but I had spent a fair sum on relocating, and was out of money.

“Ok. Let’s do this, let’s get a crappy local knife” I said to myself and looked for the cheapest knife I could find, and did I find a cheap knife! It was literally 25Rs, or ~$0.20. the thing is, it lacked the pointy tip. It was more like a one sided razor with a square, blunt end.

I must admit, it was awkward using that knife to remove the white part that holds an onion together, but I learned to use it and got pretty used to applying “stabby” levels of pressure to get stem ends off of fruits and veggies. (I’m pretty sure most of you know where this is headed, with that description, but I digress)

This month, I finally splurged on a full metal body, really long, really sharp steel knife. With a pointy edge. With a sharp point edge. Another thing I got was a chopping board, which I couldn’t use immediately because it needed oiling, and the mineral oil wasn’t here yet. That meant that I couldn’t use the chopping board, and I couldn’t use the knife in the plate at the risk of losing the edge.

This is the part where I should have just… Not done what I was doing, but I pushed on.

As usual, (I decided to make a curry, and needed a few onions) I stuck the knife around the root end of the onion to carve around it. To do that, I decided to hold the onion in my hands instead.

Unfortunately, out of habit, I applied a bit too much pressure than was needed. As you might have imagined all along, I ended up stabbing myself in the thumb. Right at the joint, and deep enough to see weird white stuff. I missed my wrist by an inch, and my belly and chest were not far away. God, just looking at the wound made me weak in the knees, and I lost hearing for half a minute.

The fun thing is that I had chopped chillies before getting to the onion, so the wound is burning like a ***** right now. but at least I didn’t stab myself in the chest, cut my wrist or lose my thumb.

This is bill. Bill does stupid things in the kitchen. Don’t be like bill.

TL;DR: stabbed myself in the thumb trying to remove the white tooth part of the onion, with a new sharp knife, while holding it in my hands without a chopping board and stabbed myself pretty deep in my thumb.

I’ve been to a doctor, by the way. Don’t worry ☺️